I never see the waves of grief coming
why would I
I’m not dead
yet
every now and then
I think about all the things
that have happened in my life,
everything I thought I was desensitized to,
and I am unbearably saddened
because what I went through
wasn’t an everyday occurrence
something easily brushed away
it was brutal and painful and terrifying
and if it happened to someone else
I would never expect them to blink and move on
so why do so many people expect me to?
why do I expect myself to?
and why do I feel so ashamed
so embarrassed, when I can’t?