he looks in my eyes with a soft expression
“i promise” he says, not a single glint in his eye
i hold back my tears as he smiles at me softly
he’s lying.
i knew before i ever asked
i knew that he would lie
but how does he do it so easily?
how can he look me in the eye,
tell me he loves me,
and then long for someone else?
long for their love,
long for their touch,
long for their body.
the stinging in my throat because to burn
the warm tears stain my face
as i look at him,
i don’t hate him.
i want to hate him
i want to hate him so much that i never give him a second thought
i never want to see him again
but i need him
i need him to hold me,
to tell me it’s ok,
to take away the pain even for a fleeting moment
he’s the one that hurt me, yet he’s crying in my arms
as i stroke his hair and whisper in his ear
“i love you”
i love you.
a phrase i’ve said to him many times
but it feels different
every kiss,
every touch,
every glance,
it’s different.
i know i’ll forgive him, i always do
but what did i do wrong?
“nothing” he says
“i love you”