I blame myself for falling in love with the wrong people. although I'm not out looking to be hurt that's just where I'm drawn to.
I grew up in a household where love wasn't just a hug, or if it was they were drunk or wanted something in return.
if that's what my life was shaped around who was I to know it was different in the real world?
whenever I got picked on my parents always said "He is mean to you because he likes you"
I was never told that that only applies to you when ur a child, but when you're grown not to run to men who live off of hurting you and abusing you for your beauty.
It's sad honestly, the fact I run to men who keep my love going by my tears.
I'm embarrassed, I never broke the habit of attracting unkind men.
I thought my kind heart was enough. that I'd fill them up with all the love I have and maybe they would change.
I was wrong. it's just a game, 'he likes you'.

in fact, what he liked was hurting me, and he got joy out of it. That is what filled his heart, although it drained mine.
but at what point did it change from a boy chasing you at lunch to the boy slowly ripping you apart with his 'love'.
'he's mean to you because he likes you' so I let him be mean to me because then I finally felt loved. even if it wasn't real. I waited for the likeness to turn into love so maybe he would stop being mean, but it never changed. no matter how many boys I meet and tell my parents 'he's different, you'll like him'.
he's not different.
He's just like the villains in movies, the people designed for the audience to hate but they love. no matter what they do.
even though I love these villains. I'm attracted to them like a magnet. I feel the need to fix people because I am unfixable. I always think to myself, if I can fix them maybe they fix me. They never do but the third time is a charm, right?
does that make me the villain though, because deep down in the broken one? Or am I just a girl who never let go of the sentence you told me since I was a baby, 'he's mean to you because he likes you'