I feel . By Lil Gary
Writing I use as my opiate pill.
You can say it's kind of my deal.
So I only write what is real.
It's the way that I heal.
But crying while telling jokes is my very best skill.
It's all for fun cause these words ain't paying a bill.
This life makes me a killer whale that's chased by a seal.
I wish I could tell y'all I was made out of steel.
......
I blame myself for falling in love with the wrong people. although I'm not out looking to be hurt that's just where I'm drawn to.
I grew up in a household where love wasn't just a hug, or if it was they were drunk or wanted something in return.
if that's what my life was shaped around who was I to know it was different in the real world?
whenever I got picked on my parents always said "He is mean to you because he likes you"
I was never told that that only applies to you when ur a child, but when you're grown not to run to men who live off of hurting you and abusing you for your beauty.
It's sad honestly, the fact I run to men who keep my love going by my tears.
I'm embarrassed, I never broke the habit of attracting unkind men.
I thought my kind heart was enough. that I'd fill them up with all the love I have and maybe they would change.
I was wrong. it's just a game, 'he likes you'.
......
as chaste as monk
as truthful as saint
as spotless as flower
as flowing as river
things and beings now
rarely seen.
He said, I love you, baby. Begging me to repeat after him. But I wanted him to love me without words but truth. He acted like it was a game to him?
Playing with my emotions all the time, and still begging for a simple word?
He said, I love you: but realistically I'm nothing when he loves someone else.
I remember the day he fell in love with me. he asked if I'd take his last name and pass it on to our children, Lola and Aiden. So, the day he started talking about her was the day I realized he was in love with someone else.
I could tell when he was falling in love again because we went through the same thing. You spoke about her like you used to speak about me.
......
Stardom caused me scars;
I'm happy with what I have;
No paparazzi.
Stardom caused me scars;
I'm happy with what I have;
No paparazzi.
I blame myself for falling in love with the wrong people. although I'm not out looking to be hurt that's just where I'm drawn to.
I grew up in a household where love wasn't just a hug, or if it was they were drunk or wanted something in return.
if that's what my life was shaped around who was I to know it was different in the real world?
whenever I got picked on my parents always said "He is mean to you because he likes you"
I was never told that that only applies to you when ur a child, but when you're grown not to run to men who live off of hurting you and abusing you for your beauty.
It's sad honestly, the fact I run to men who keep my love going by my tears.
I'm embarrassed, I never broke the habit of attracting unkind men.
I thought my kind heart was enough. that I'd fill them up with all the love I have and maybe they would change.
I was wrong. it's just a game, 'he likes you'.
......
He said, I love you, baby. Begging me to repeat after him. But I wanted him to love me without words but truth. He acted like it was a game to him?
Playing with my emotions all the time, and still begging for a simple word?
He said, I love you: but realistically I'm nothing when he loves someone else.
I remember the day he fell in love with me. he asked if I'd take his last name and pass it on to our children, Lola and Aiden. So, the day he started talking about her was the day I realized he was in love with someone else.
I could tell when he was falling in love again because we went through the same thing. You spoke about her like you used to speak about me.
......
I feel . By Lil Gary
Writing I use as my opiate pill.
You can say it's kind of my deal.
So I only write what is real.
It's the way that I heal.
But crying while telling jokes is my very best skill.
It's all for fun cause these words ain't paying a bill.
This life makes me a killer whale that's chased by a seal.
I wish I could tell y'all I was made out of steel.
......
as chaste as monk
as truthful as saint
as spotless as flower
as flowing as river
things and beings now
rarely seen.