Sometimes I wonder if I’m the only one who sees the world like this.
Sometimes I wonder if I’m maybe cursed, that would be a good reason to be honest.

It would be a good reason to why I’m never happy.
It would be a good reason to explain the self harm and wishing to not be born.

It would be a very fucking good reason to why I can’t love people around me. I do like to be around them for a certain while, but mentally I’m never with them.

From a young age my brain learned that happiness is temporary. I’ll prefer no happiness over temporary happiness, and I hate myself for that.

I just want to be happy, to be loved.
I don’t want to hate myself, but I do.

Maybe I won’t ever feel the happiness a normal soul would feel. Maybe I’ve already felt en seen too much to be normal.

But is it too much to ask for a brain that doesn’t function without depression?