When I die
I don't care what happens to my body
throw ashes in the air, scatter 'em in East River
bury an urn in Elizabeth New Jersey, B'nai Israel Cemetery
But l want a big funeral
St. Patrick's Cathedral, St. Mark's Church, the largest synagogue in
Manhattan
First, there's family, brother, nephews, spry aged Edith stepmother
96, Aunt Honey from old Newark,
Doctor Joel, cousin Mindy, brother Gene one eyed one ear'd, sister-
......
The terrible night that snatched
you from me will never leave my mind...
God, please hold me.
The blood stain you left on
the bed that night will always be there
to bring me fright...
God, please hold me.
The memories of you cuddling
......
A White Rose born into our world,
then into pain she is hurled.
That youthful smile disappears,
because of things that she fears.
The day to day pains that come her way,
in her own life she has no say.
She shrinks back and hides,
from a world so unkind.
Her angels have fleed,
......
tonight when i close my eyes
i watch in horror as my father dies.
it's only the truth, i share no lies
lying on my bed my heart cries.
night after night, all i do is lay and weep
a years gone by and still no sleep.
all i ask is a night off from this pain
instead i hit the bottle as my eyes begin to rain.
the room spins as the whiskey takes over
you died an alkie, maybe i should of stayed sober.
......
Instant thoughts of regret
Conquer the maze of deceitful pride
Loss and gain, things I repent
A lonely soul left aside
A bottle of hot water to keep me warm-
In the cold of lonely nights
Songs of melancholy in the background
Reminiscing from freaky heights
......
heaven sent, arrhythmia rests
silence from my aching chest
though there's no tombstone where I sleep
all I need is what I reap
the earth beneath my fingernails
bleeds into the soil of verdant hills.
my skin a canvas, often wasted
on trifles better left to rot
now blooms violet among the wakeless
......
Sometimes I wonder if I’m the only one who sees the world like this.
Sometimes I wonder if I’m maybe cursed, that would be a good reason to be honest.
It would be a good reason to why I’m never happy.
It would be a good reason to explain the self harm and wishing to not be born.
It would be a very fucking good reason to why I can’t love people around me. I do like to be around them for a certain while, but mentally I’m never with them.
From a young age my brain learned that happiness is temporary. I’ll prefer no happiness over temporary happiness, and I hate myself for that.
......
there's a spider in the corner of your room
the spider is always there
the spider has always been there
you can't crush the spider
you can't leave the room
you know that if the spider bites you then everything you know will be gone
but you have no idea when it's going to
everyone else is trapped in a room with a spider too but they don't seem to notice
you feel like you're going crazy
......
asdfjk
Continue reading
I can hear the cars passing down below
The lights light up the street
I can feel the wind blowing on my face
I doubt anyone is looking for me
I am drowning in my own fear
I just want to be free
I am stuck in my body, waiting to be free
There are kids skipping on the pavement below
I’m so scared, I’m overflowed in my own fear
I can see every person, every dog, every cat walking on the street
......