have this idea of what my life should be

It should be filled with love, light, and peace

But this darkness in my mind constantly takes over

Dimming any light that seeps into my life

I so badly want to be happy

I yearn to be content

I pray to a false god to grant me the will to live

The darkness in my head prevents most good things

The darkness takes over because of a chemical imbalance, trauma, or whatever

This darkness ruins a life I so terribly want to live

Then you happened

A light that shined through my darkness

It was scary to see light after such a long time in the dark

You made me laugh

You made me nervous

You made me feel again

I hadn’t felt in such a long time

It terrified me to have something good in my life

Because I knew that the darkness ruins good things

So, I pushed you away

I let myself fall away into my darkness and watched you take the light

Because the only way through the darkness is alone