Its dark and Im scared again

Not of physical monsters

But of the ones in my head
The ones who rage the ones I thought maybe just maybe I made up for attention

But I was wrong and they are real and I am scared

I dont want to die I promise I really dont

but sometimes all I see is the red streaming across my skin leaving as quickly as it can
Or I see silver shining like a star with a far more sinister intention

And I wonder where I could do it or how I could do it
Without hurting anyone
That why Im here. I dont want to hurt anyone.

I dont want their false vision of a happy person of a promising person to be forever tainted by what I want to do

I dont want them to cry

I dont want them to ask why

I dont want them to think its their fault because its not
Its no ones fault

I was born a freak
An unlovable person destined to stand on the outside looking in
Because I dont know how to get in

How do I make people love me
How do I make them care
I want to be loved I want to be cared for

But I cant

And the monsters tell me that ll the time
And Im scared because they’re not monsters
They’re just me

And now Im scared of myself

And I want to cry
I want to be held
I want help
I want to be okay
Please help
please make it ok please
please
please

And Im crying alone in my room
in the dark

And the monsters are gone, they’re just me anyway

And now Im here alone no monsters to blame and listen to

And my roommate is still awake
Im sorry to her if I make noise as I cry
I dont want her to worry
I dont want anyone to worry anymore
I want to go away so no one will worry
I want to go away so I wont worry

Please help me
Im Scared