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Cut and cut into my skin
The knife now felling dull and my hand filled with scrapes And blood
Maybe it's an act for attention for help
Maybe it's an act of anger
Maybe it's both
Or maybe I'm just crazy
Crazy enough to do this to myself just so I can feel something
Even if it's pain even if it's sadness
I wanna feel something or maybe I'm begging for attention I don't know
It's hard to admit you actually do it that you actually hurt yourself
......
I was so so stupid to mark where we can see
Now everywhere I go this scar follows me
And I can’t escape the purple glow
Coming from the ripped skin below
I’m trapped by a sickening glare
Reminded of why and how I put it there
Laughing off inquiries
Writing in this virtual diary
......
I am so angry. I'm not sure why, but I am furious.
I will be walking down the hall and just want to smash my hand against the walls, until I can’t move it, until there’s more blood than flesh. I want it to hurt, I want it to hurt so much that it’s all I feel.
So I don’t get these flashes of debilitating sadness, of complete emptiness, or utter anguish.
I want physical pain, but I am too weak to do it to myself. I want someone to hurt me until I can’t feel anymore.
I want to bleed, to see the red run down my skin. I want to hurt.
Am I angry? I guess I can’t tell anymore. is it anger or something more. Is the root of it deeper, why do I care.
Why couldn’t I just do it. Now there are people watching, why did I fucking tell people.
I would have been fine, and if not I wouldn’t have to deal with it now. I didn’t do it so what’s it matter.
fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. I want to scream I want to cry I want a fucking hug.
I want to talk to her but she’s so tired. I could just text her. I’m going to text her, but not tell her why. just to distract myself, maybe she’s asleep and then she won’t answer and then I don’t know.
......
Do you ever feel out of reach,
out of touch with the world?
Like the world's moving on
but you're drifting away.
The worlds leaving you behind,
but you're watching it all through a birds eye view,
in slow motion,
......
Cut and cut into my skin
The knife now felling dull and my hand filled with scrapes And blood
Maybe it's an act for attention for help
Maybe it's an act of anger
Maybe it's both
Or maybe I'm just crazy
Crazy enough to do this to myself just so I can feel something
Even if it's pain even if it's sadness
I wanna feel something or maybe I'm begging for attention I don't know
It's hard to admit you actually do it that you actually hurt yourself
......
ss
Continue readingyyyyy
Continue reading
I wear a mask to hold in place
A painted smile upon my face;
But underneath this outer shell,
Lies hidden deep an inner hell
Each whispered word- a silent plea,
Yet no one sees the ghost in me.
My head is filled with endless thoughts
Some battles won, but this one's lost
The blade I hold inside my hand
......
Curled up in the corner
in dead of the night.
Afraid of darkness
and praying for light.
Eyes peer from the ceiling.
Hands reach from the floor.
Hearts beat from the walls
and he stands at the door.
......