Merry Christmas one and all, a time for joy and cheer. So I made this little list of greetings, would you like to hear?

Merry Christmas Saudi, for you we bring new weapons. We hope you will enjoy them when you fire them on Yemen.

Merry Christmas EU, for you we bring an agreement (by the end of March). And if none, we'll extend the transition period, though we have no right to ask.

Merry Christmas Schools, for you we bring more funding. Though not quite as much as potholes, which, we thought you would find touching.

Merry Christmas MI5 for you we bring much data. But if nothing to hide you have nothing to fear, so tell THAT to all the haters.

Merry Christmas USA, I can't wait for our trade deal to kick in. And in return, we graciously take your gift of chlorinated chicken.

Merry Christmas one and all, this year really has been charming. But if GDP dips and productivity slips, well, you shouldn't find THAT alarming.