I find this depressing,
Very depressing.
Change is so slippery to fall back upon its origin,
As if I draw a darkened smile in my shirt with water.
Day in, day out,
How many times must one climb to fall,
An innard of pinnacle peace with someone holding the flag proudly,
Whereas I wake up empty-handed,
To the smell of condescending sunlight.
We lay with this in mind in bed, sleeping only slightly to remember nor forget.

Change is so slippery to fall back upon its origin,
All I can do is never stand,
Screaming at someone who lives in my sleep,
The light of night so much brighter than the sunlight that condescends.

I'm sad, I'm lonely, nothing interests me.
I sap whatever hope from my soul into my laptop screen.
Spaghettified by an iris only to
puddle on the floor that I am drenched by.
My fingers play in the water,
I crave the day I may truly smile,
A moment, that before I knew it felt worthwhile,
To abolish the grin that manifests before I taste my blood,
Post-traumatic anti-theft, protecting My sandbag heart.

I draw a darkened smile in my
Shirt with water,
I remember feeling so small,
I tell myself I am not them,
I am foolish.
I pretend I can never crave life,
For living is the most terrifying thing to do.
Day in,
Day out,
Mulled to a constant dusk,
Sleeping only slightly to remember nor forget.

I can only hold the hope that
When I die I will
Be able to remember if my best Feelings
Have solely taken place as I've slept.
Though,
My laptop is right beside me.