it’s crazy

coming to the realization
coming to a situation
out in winter
few clothes and little shelter

giving you my wants
giving you my needs
and expecting nothing in return; yet i feel nothing

the sharp winds stab my skin
unable to share warmth
no words exchanged
only silence

my soul cries out
is this… really love?
breaking down.
the truth obvious in desolation

to survive; one must abandon their beliefs
abandon those who beg but do not give
i cannot afford to place you above me.
i must be free.

taking the pieces back from you.
weaving them together
into some twisted form of self respect
feeling warm for the first time in forever.

i’m thankful.
that you held onto those pieces.
pieces i willingly shared.

i’m thankful.
that you stayed around.
that you allowed me the opportunity;
to reclaim those parts of myself

however, i cannot deny…
that when i was shivering;
that when i was suffering…
the idea of your pain; hurt me worse.

i’m thankful.
that you did not show mercy.
and that you did not share;
and that you did not care;

as i am finally… warm again.