It’s 2 am and I can’t get my mind off of you. Why is it that you cause so much happiness, yet I always feel pain? To think that I can even have these feelings for someone who is so much better than the man I have become. I am unable to grasp the concept of her coming into my life and making it worse. I feel like I would drag her down into the depths of the deep dark pit that is my heart. I don’t deserve the love she has, the love she wants to share with that special someone.

Is it too much to ask to fall in love in the first minute of the New Year? Just once, is it possible for life to throw me a bone and something good happen. Its felt like every time I take a step forward, life is pushing me back 5 steps.

I’m so ready to love again. All I want is to treat her like the queen she is. Spoil her with endless amount of love and loyalty. She will be my everything and nothing will come between her and her happiness.

Maybe 2020 will give me that chance at becoming the loyal boyfriend I know I can be.