An ultimatum stood at my door
And greeted me so fondly
To the tune of my thumping heartbeat.
"Live as I seem or die as I am"

The words had reverberated in my skull and rattled my bones-
Sick with grief and mourning
Of a life never lived,
A lick of air never tasted on a tongue of a new man-
Not man-soon-to-be, or transsexual or Pinocchio without the splintering of wood but of words,
That scar my treacly heart,
That would better beat being born of another,
Without the tack tack tack of a dull toothache,
Soothed by morning (mourning) migraines or piercing stab of the mirror you avoid,
If not only to ignore the cavity but the caveat of a sorrow sight sought by seeing the sores gap,
Or stain of black mold
That seep into the other aspects of life,
Rotten tooth, rotting
Rotten life.

The ultimatum greeted me once more with a jolly hello on a Sunday morning
(After Saturday night was such a wonderful night)
Ever persistent, like church-going evangelists,
The knock-knock-knock
Similar to the beating of a batter to beat broken bruised boys,
Yet a boy was not who I was (To the eye)
But what I sought to be,
Surely the movement door-to-door or to move preaching lips mimic the migration or change in oneself-
To them; As enlightenment
For myself; A step down where the fire crackles,
Even as the tide crashes below,
Pitchfork points dig into my heel,
I'll take the grueling punishment,
Cast into the bowels of the earth,
And pecked by the birds,
So give me that old time religion,
It's good enough for me.

The ultimatum met me atop a bridge and greeted me,
Gun to my head,
"Fall back as I seem or pull the trigger as I am."
A coup de grâce,
The ocean lingers at a standstill as the gun cocks,
Waiting to exhale.

Unlike the earth,
With my heart's final pang,
I don't end with a whimper,
But with a bang.