i think of how i want to love
how God loves
and feel the constant need to know
how God knows.

i think of what it would mean to be the giver of justice,
to be the most merciful,
and the most forgiving.

but, God is not so kind.

i think of how God is also the ultimate punisher,
a destroyer,
the one who turns blind from those suffering,
and the one who can take everything away.

evil is not exempt from God’s blessings.

God does not know justice
when it answers prayers that allow
anguish and bloodshed to prosper.

God does not know mercy
when it ignores the children
that beg and plead to live.

God does not know forgiveness
when it punishes the weak
and absolves the evil.

no longer is there faith in an all-powered good.

now, i think of how the desire for faith
has been replaced by a new fascination.

i ask myself, “if I were God,
would I be better?”

i think God already knows the answer to that.