I lied to him

I said I didn't want him
I told him he wasn't ready
I ask him he should love himself
I lied to him

I should have said I needed him
I should have told him I'm grateful for him taking the risk
I should have ask him to let me help him pick up his broken self
I lied to him

Simply because I love him so much
But it hurts to know that it wasn't me

He's sad and broken
He met me and tried to reach out to me

I was hurting so much
I forgot his pain
I was so selfish

And now I deeply regretted
Not being able to be with him
When he needed me the most
I lied to him

Because I was scared

I was so desperate to know
If his sincere
I forgot he was rejected so many times
By the same girl he loved
I lied to him

Because I'm idealistic as hell
I want him to be like the guy I used to love
I started comparing him to him
I forgot he was on the verge of falling apart
I lied to him

When I thought I was hurting the most
But I was only treated poorly by the previous guys I've met
It started giving me inferiorities
I forgot I was doing the same thing to him
I lied to him

I just lied to the person I swear to fight and keep
I lied even to myself
I said I moved on and didn't care anymore
But here I am writing this ridiculous crap

Heavy
So heavy

I'm barely lifting a finger typing the words
That I should be telling him in person

Lying to the person you love
is also taking a step towards goodbye.

-Levianel