She makes a small red line on her arm
Then covers it with her sleeve
And fakes a smile
As she prays that no one can see

She feels broken
Unfixable
She feels like a screw-up
Like no matter what she does it’s never right
Its never enough

But see
She doesn't want to hurt anybody
So she pretends day after day
There are so many things in her mind but she doesn't have the words to say

Nor does she have the courage
She's scared
Scared that she isn't enough
Scared that no matter how hard she tries she will always be a screw-up
Scared that the ones she loves will leave
If they ever found out how she likes to bleed

“Bleeding is better”
That’s how she thinks
She thinks it's better to bleed than to feel everything
She thinks if she bleeds then maybe the numb will go away
Maybe if she bleeds then people will want to stay
Maybe if she bleeds she will find a way

She knows it’s wrong.
But it feels so right.
She tries so hard
But fears she is losing the fight

She doesn't know how to express herself
But she fears if she does she might hurt someone else
That's the last thing she wants
She just wants to help, even though she doesn't know how to help herself

She can give good advice.
She will beg you to stay.
But late at night, she wonders if others would feel the same.

If she followed in her mother's footsteps and took one too many
Would there be anyone to pity
Would they see her as a monster and as selfish or weak
Or would they see her as a warrior who fought but her life she couldn't keep

She tries her best
As she lies in bed
But there are times when she can't hold it back
So she weeps as she bleeds

She tries to reach out
But her hands are weak
She tries to scream
But her voice won't make a peep

She stays awake at night and weeps
Over the thought of the life she could’ve had
But she was too stuck in the past
Now she wonders what would've happened if she had done more good than bad

She cuts her arm and watches it bleed
She stands idly by as the blood seeps
Through the bandaids and tissues
And onto the bathroom floor
She wakes up, what a relief
It was only a dream

But she wishes it were real.
Wishes she could feel
But she doesn't want to die
She simply wishes her mom were still alive

She wishes someone would understand her as well as she did
She wishes someone could help when she feels defeated
She wishes someone could help her understand
Because what everyone seems to overlook
Is that she was merely a child wanting to read big books

She was a child who grew up too fast
Her memories are too hard to grasp
She was a child who didn’t know the definition of suicide
Until her mother chose to die

She was simply a child wild and free
Now she is a person she doesn't want to be
She is a teen who is locked in a prison of her own creation
A teen who is locked in a world she doesn't understand
She is locked in her mind
Wishing she could go back to being nine

So yes
She bleeds
She bleeds for the life she couldn't keep
She bleeds as she sees the horrors of the world and thinks “If only it were me”
“If only I were the one taking the pain and suffering of the world”
You see that is her dream
Not so that she can hurt no
But so maybe she can help others see
That it's not best to bleed