its 1:47 in the morning.
i cant sleep.
i have no emotion, yet im overly stressed
i keep zoning out
letters are moving, the walls are shrinking
i feel like i cant get out of bed, but i can
my head doesnt hurt but its still pounding
i cant stop biting the skin around my nails
my heart hurts, it feels as if my chest were being punched.

its 2:01 in the morning.
i cant sleep.
i have no emotion, yet im crying
i keep zoning out
letters mean nothing, walls expose me
i feel like i can get out of this muck, but i cant
my head hurts, pounding, and pounding.
i cant stop biting my nails
my chest is in pain, as if someone took a knife to my heart.

its 2:10 in the morning.
i cant sleep.
i dont understand why im having these thoughts or feelings, im just a 14 year old girl, trying to find her place in the world.
i cant control these thought or feelings, not while others look down on me.
this, thing, comes in waves.
will it ever go away?

i wanna scream.
i wanna scream so bad.
scream at my teachers and their ego
scream at the strangers i pass on the street
scream at my friends who have heard it all
why dont u see me?
im struggling.
have u not noticed my mood swings lately? or how im sleeping more? eating less? maybe u have noticed my grades drop since last year. no? how?
im so different now?
i thought u wanted me to change?
will this stupid slump always be here? or will it fade away?

the room is warping in my vision.
im afraid to close my eyes but fearful to keep them open.
i feel like im in a dream.

2:47am
i finally get out of bed
i tripped multiple times just trying to get to my fan switch.
i needed it to be on.
its so hot in here, i feel as if im suffocating
now i cant tell if things are moving or if its just my eyes, the fan is blowing everything everywhere.
i feel a little more, less dead now.
maybe it was my door being closed. being alone in my thoughts with no connections.
the fan is helping.

i need to stay awake. if i sleep now, i wont wake up on time to get ready for school.
how would i do my makeup, hair, or pick an outfit with only 5 minutes?
maybe its the people pleaser in me. i cant help it, i have to be perfect at everything, to everyone, in every, mirror.

i dont even know what time it is anymore.
why oh why
i cant sleep, feel, or even think properly right now.
my throat feels like its been scratched up by sandpaper. sounds like it to.
i keep needing to cough, but if i do i think im going to throw up.

im starving. i cant go downstairs. everyone is asleep, except me. im so tired, so hungry, so paranoid, so dead.
i want this night to be over, ive never felt anything like it. what is this??? who am i??? whoever has my voodoo doll sure does not like me.