Hello old friend, how have you been?
Once so familiar- and now, where to begin..
Distance, time and space, gone from all- without a trace
A vision once shared, a life to live, fully prepared, gone now
But not forgotten.

Not forgotten.

How could it be, truly, that you and me, were never meant to be when we both believed we were so earnestly.

Youth? Inexperience? Naivety?

Perhaps it was a wish, a dream that our heart made
And then we woke up, too afraid to see the writing on the wall-
A poem too hard to bear and now, and now we're fully unaware of the other- too afraid to write, to call, so instead, blinded by the hurt- we say nothing at all.

Nothing at all.

I do not regret the nights spent in your arms, the warmth and bliss.

The way you encapsulated my world, entranced my mind, completed me with every kiss.

I believed you, truly I did- when you said you never wanted to wake up without me, that you’d never leave me-

And then you did.

Then you did.

My world was ripped apart, torn upside down- I was left grasping for straws, gasping for breath.

I went falling, falling, falling into the pit of despair- how could I enjoy life without you being there.

And then, after a whole long time of hurting, yearning to find you in the wild again, I saw, through it all, the most painful thing I could.

There you were, clear as the day, shining bright as the sun. Happy, peaceful, completed- in the arms of another ‘one’.

At once my world was both shattered and freed, when I realized that you had given to him, gotten down on one knee, asked someone else ‘will you marry me’.

And he said yes, of course he would.

There aren’t many like you, marry you he should.
For weeks;
No, Days;
No, Hours;
No- Minutes;
No. Moments.

Yes, for moments I mourned you. Moments that were both everlasting and never existing.

Moments that cut you from my heart, finally mine for me again, yet here I am with tears streaming, masking the fears, the hunger, the urge, the overwhelming desire to know you again and the wish that I’d never known you at all.

That’s not fair. I know that.

The loves we love help us love the loves that come next. Prepare us for what’s in store, if only to love deeper then because not in spite of our loves before.

Years have passed now, I’ve lived lifetimes between writing this and realizing I no longer had you to miss, and yet-

And yet.

The thoughts, the wondering, the thinking and feeling, the needing and blinking, the writing and typing and erasing and courage working up, only to fall, the deeply wishing ‘Please. Please… just call’....

Time, they say ‘heals all wounds’.

This isn’t true, of course. Some wounds cannot be healed.

But instead, they fill in, and age, and fade, and scab, and their pain becomes less and less until there is nothing left but a drab reminder- of what once was, and all that could have been.

I think that, perhaps, is the most telling of all-

These tears are not for you, not for what I had, but for the life I wanted to live so bad.

So bad.

The dreams that once filled every part of me, the world with you I wanted so desperately to see- I know now, never will be.

I take great pleasure in this, for once, it is certainty.

That life is gone, there is release in the finality.

I do wish you the best. I want only for you happiness, and success, and all the rest- the same wishes that best friends give when it is time to lie each other to rest.

And for me. I hope you can get me off your chest. Clear me from your mind, and too, wish me the best.

Maybe, some day, in another life, there will be another chance, another circumstance where two lovers who say they never want to wake up without the other will not be afraid to give that love a chance.

And then and there- they, they- not us, but they can figure out the rest.

Be blessed.