I know you want to help me
And I know you think I moan
But when it comes to mending things
You should leave well alone.

Remember the immersion heater
You'd fix no trouble at all
But turned the mains full on, not off
And flooded the landing and hall.

Attaching the kitchen towel rail
You nearly met your doom
You pierced the electric cable
And were flung across the room.

Then came Auntie's pelmet.
Looked good, without a doubt.
But when she pulled her curtains
It fell and knocked her out.

You even lost the dog last week
That was the final straw.
You hadn't even missed her
Please! Don't help me anymore!