one moment im sitting
in a spacious white box of a room
looking at the technicolour sunset melt colours into my heart
the next i am in a stuffy old library
sunlight slanting in from the tall windows
and must staining my lungs
and my chest feels a little tight
my breath feels a little shaky
as everything i have never said aloud
crowds my mind


it was peace
for that was all i knew about peace
and it was war
for i could not look in the mirror
without seeing someone else


every morning when i wake
my fear clings to the bedsheets
like sewed-in threads
begging me not to leave
the only safe place in the world
and every day i remind myself
life is more than safety


when i look back at my life
it was never too exceptional
i was simply a star
neither bright enough
to illuminate others
nor dark enough that
it couldn’t sustain itself
and i thought, all my life
i’ve been taught to only be the best
perhaps now it is time to also
embrace the parts of myself
that aren’t so outstanding
but also deserve love


(maybe it is time to love me for all of me, instead of just the parts i like)


i closed my eyes and found myself
standing on a bridge
on a cool cloudless night
it was close to the surface of the water
and i could not see the shore
i looked down
at my reflection in the stillness
as my hair slid off my shoulder
and dipped into the water


like gossamer curtains the water rippled
and in my wavering eyes, i saw
all the phases of the moon
in my watery eyes that night, i found
my unwavering self