I saw two eastern tiger swallowtails today.
I watched as they flickered, fluttered, and frolicked, rising and dipping.
A calm breeze gently passed my way.
In the distance, a boy mirthfully turned and flipped.
A sanguine sun coyly peeked through tall pines and sweet gums.
Then a gentle voice came and caressed my ears.
I savored sweet breaths as a bee crossed and hummed.
And I heard, "Shhh! Hold on, I'm abating all troubles and banishing all fears."
one moment im sitting
in a spacious white box of a room
looking at the technicolour sunset melt colours into my heart
the next i am in a stuffy old library
sunlight slanting in from the tall windows
and must staining my lungs
and my chest feels a little tight
my breath feels a little shaky
as everything i have never said aloud
crowds my mind
......
Peace acquaints companionship, and you might not see it now,
But the Devil befriends seclusion where no witnesses are found.
Some battles are mental, and even those leave visible scars.
So, as you go about your days, please offer your whole heart.
Hate is a criminal and casualties are evidence,
And, although 'be kind' is cliché, it furnishes joy and declares reverence.
You might find yourself asking what differently you could have done.
And to that, I would say, “Do everything in love.”
......
O Eternal, beyond the grasp of flesh and time
In silent nights, where stars softly weep
My soul wanders, yearning to taste the divine in time
I search for You in depths still and deep
What am I but dust, mere clay and bone
O Beloved, pure as the morning’s breath
While You are the Unseen, seated on Your throne
Draw me near, release me from death
......
You need to be broken, cracked open, to discover deeper layers to your being. The good news is that you can never completely break, for what you truly are cannot die. So as you break, all that dies are protective layers, illusions, and walls you have inherited from your surroundings and sustained because you didn’t know any better.
So let yourself break, and let the pain that arises be the fire that burns away all your doubts. Step back and allow these intense and scary emotions to run through your veins. These feelings are not your enemies, and deep down, you know this. They are but contracted love - your own repressed, malnourished, scared inner child crying out to be heard. As you become their embrace, they will unfold and bloom into powerful allies, like trees of such might and beauty that sustain your destiny’s unfolding.
Don’t be scared of your pain, and if you are, don’t add to it with more disdain. Acceptance is ever-present, and even your perfect inability to accept how you feel is already accepted, or else it wouldn’t be happening. Now you are free, not because you’re in control of yourself, but because you’ve let go of your anxious grasp on life. You’ve rediscovered your very own childlike freedom that is so deeply rooted in unknowing, in letting go and embracing what life sets before you. You never needed to become anyone, never needed to earn acceptance. Life has already said “yes” to you, for it has been unconditionally nourishing you until this very point. You are nature’s gift to itself, you breathe its air and eat its fruits, you stand in awe at its beauty and unknowingly carry out your divine duty, just by being you - a role no one else could fill.
Allow yourself to break now, to become a total mess. Drop your theatrical composure, with which you might have fooled other personas, but never could find any meaningful closure. Let the fear of being nobody fill your heart and brutally tear it apart, for every layer that falls away is a courageous step into the light of a new day.
And if you ever wonder what this pain is all about, it is not merely a source of frustration, but the very source of your being, the infinite power of creation. It is truly God’s fertile breath, the source of all life and the antidote to death. Scary it may be, but full of life for eternity. The dark, empty bottom of your being is where paradise reveals. Beyond space and time, beyond all definitions and names, the only thing that remains is the naked sense of “I”, the place where you and God stand eye to eye - one more step, now you’ve melted in his might.
......
I saw two eastern tiger swallowtails today.
I watched as they flickered, fluttered, and frolicked, rising and dipping.
A calm breeze gently passed my way.
In the distance, a boy mirthfully turned and flipped.
A sanguine sun coyly peeked through tall pines and sweet gums.
Then a gentle voice came and caressed my ears.
I savored sweet breaths as a bee crossed and hummed.
And I heard, "Shhh! Hold on, I'm abating all troubles and banishing all fears."
Body betrays while caught in a tempest
The mundane morphs in peculiar ways
A silent storm stirring within you brews
With each surge, it claims a piece of you.
The office now a swaying deck
Unsteady ground, a wretched mess
Fingers clutch with fierce might
Against this inner sea’s harsh battle.
......
I turn on the shower and my thoughts quiet to a whisper.
I start to undress as I ease my brain's exert.
My eyes avoid the mirror and I step into the tub.
My mind starts to wonder while reality falls out of touch.
I try to clear my head and focus on being present.
I re-feel shame for granting permission after his ceaseless exhortation.
My musings recall his unwanted hands on my skin.
My body stiffens in distress and the trauma floods right back in.
......
I'm not afraid of deep water, just the lives that are stolen in it.
I can't sleep tonight because my brain streams the incident.
It replays the same show, with no breaks or commercials.
The pool took his future, leaving only a faint pulse.
I didn't even realize, and beforehand we were playing.
"Who can stay underwater longer? If you breathe, you lose the game."
Hours went by and the contest had been over.
Next thing I know, he was dragged out of the water.
......
Peace acquaints companionship, and you might not see it now,
But the Devil befriends seclusion where no witnesses are found.
Some battles are mental, and even those leave visible scars.
So, as you go about your days, please offer your whole heart.
Hate is a criminal and casualties are evidence,
And, although 'be kind' is cliché, it furnishes joy and declares reverence.
You might find yourself asking what differently you could have done.
And to that, I would say, “Do everything in love.”
......