your lips are magnets to my skin
it feels rare to be loved like this
i guess that’s why i’m scared to admit
afraid of losing this uncharted bliss
my involuntary response
to keep everyone far
only continues the cycle
of breaking my own heart
maybe this time is a new start
what if we strolled forever in this park
......
Wait a second, am I trapped, chained to my own disillusion? Every day I awaken and create the same conclusion.
How is it that I can not stop this routine from repeating? For in my heart I can see it's my truth I'm defeating.
Chained to my ego...Its still got a hold of me. The more I try to escape...the more it grasp me.
Tried to fight it, but sinking in quick sand. My personality follows and willingly takes it's hand.
The addiction it consumes me and brings me no peace. I strive for perfection, on the outside at least.
For what is it I am hiding, what will I not let them see? Need to dig deep for I hold the key.
Chained to my ego...Its still got a hold of me. The more I try to escape...the more it grasp me.
Control is overwhelming find it hard to breathe. But to far I have travelled to let this take me.
This prison I created to hide behind the walls. The fear of being criticized began when I was small.
So now I cling to the pursuit of perfection, lost in the haze of blurred deception.
......
I saw two eastern tiger swallowtails today.
I watched as they flickered, fluttered, and frolicked, rising and dipping.
A calm breeze gently passed my way.
In the distance, a boy mirthfully turned and flipped.
A sanguine sun coyly peeked through tall pines and sweet gums.
Then a gentle voice came and caressed my ears.
I savored sweet breaths as a bee crossed and hummed.
And I heard, "Shhh! Hold on, I'm abating all troubles and banishing all fears."
O Eternal, beyond the grasp of flesh and time
In silent nights, where stars softly weep
My soul wanders, yearning to taste the divine in time
I search for You in depths still and deep
What am I but dust, mere clay and bone
O Beloved, pure as the morning’s breath
While You are the Unseen, seated on Your throne
Draw me near, release me from death
......
I turn on the shower and my thoughts quiet to a whisper.
I start to undress as I ease my brain's exert.
My eyes avoid the mirror and I step into the tub.
My mind starts to wonder while reality falls out of touch.
I try to clear my head and focus on being present.
I re-feel shame for granting permission after his ceaseless exhortation.
My musings recall his unwanted hands on my skin.
My body stiffens in distress and the trauma floods right back in.
......
Learning to love
Unhinged though thy heart
Resided in chaos,
Unloved!
For years in the dark in the midst of hatred,
Not knowing that love warms the bones,
The body ached in the cold.
Comprised of someone else’s lies,
Love lingered unwilling to fulfil the unfulfilled
And heal the wounded.
......
I saw two eastern tiger swallowtails today.
I watched as they flickered, fluttered, and frolicked, rising and dipping.
A calm breeze gently passed my way.
In the distance, a boy mirthfully turned and flipped.
A sanguine sun coyly peeked through tall pines and sweet gums.
Then a gentle voice came and caressed my ears.
I savored sweet breaths as a bee crossed and hummed.
And I heard, "Shhh! Hold on, I'm abating all troubles and banishing all fears."
Body betrays while caught in a tempest
The mundane morphs in peculiar ways
A silent storm stirring within you brews
With each surge, it claims a piece of you.
The office now a swaying deck
Unsteady ground, a wretched mess
Fingers clutch with fierce might
Against this inner sea’s harsh battle.
......
I turn on the shower and my thoughts quiet to a whisper.
I start to undress as I ease my brain's exert.
My eyes avoid the mirror and I step into the tub.
My mind starts to wonder while reality falls out of touch.
I try to clear my head and focus on being present.
I re-feel shame for granting permission after his ceaseless exhortation.
My musings recall his unwanted hands on my skin.
My body stiffens in distress and the trauma floods right back in.
......
I'm not afraid of deep water, just the lives that are stolen in it.
I can't sleep tonight because my brain streams the incident.
It replays the same show, with no breaks or commercials.
The pool took his future, leaving only a faint pulse.
I didn't even realize, and beforehand we were playing.
"Who can stay underwater longer? If you breathe, you lose the game."
Hours went by and the contest had been over.
Next thing I know, he was dragged out of the water.
......