so this is how it is?
can never see your own worth
because you’re too busy
trying to see others’

creature in the mirror
staring at me with my own eyes
says
“you’ll never leave,
you’d rather break yourself
than your integrity”

the only thing i see in the mirror
fogged over with the bathroom steam
are red lips
rosy red, lying shade
spilling lies like honey
speaking of passion and
belladonna dreams

yet behind it all
after the heat fades
only pale lips
drained, stretched, cracked
too many promises
too much weight to carry

i throw my head back
and i laugh
if only because
i no longer know
when i should cry
and when i should laugh

it asks
“trying to be the one
who stays for other people?

but who stayed for you?”

no one

no one did

no one will.

why would they?

the laughter strangles
dies in my throat
withers like the flesh off the bones
of a lonely human

it doesn’t matter anyway
it doesn’t matter
just shutter your eyes
smile
like you always do

everything will be fine.

methodically
i pick up my toothbrush
and with steady hands
i brush my teeth

i do not look in the mirror.