How can you accept something,
that causes you pain?
Stammering can keep me up at night,
w-w-wondering...is there something wrong with my brain?

Day after day i struggle and grapple,
searching, looking to find,
that elusive golden apple.

I'm in a conflict of acceptance of self versus perfection,
A constant state of reflection, analysis and correction.
When all i really want is relaxed self-expression.

I know deep down it's mad to think the latest fad will fix me,
but like a faulty wire on a light,
somedays i cry out to be fixed.

But... maybe acceptance and improvement,
are not mutually exclusive,
not a contradiction at all,
but a bitter sweet paradox.

Maybe the elusive golden apple,
is not so elusive after all,
but on inspection,
and change of perception,
A toffee apple takes form.