For years I've been cheating myself. It's a very tiring business,
practising self-deception. Try one day

to play a one-man lightning game of chess to win
without for a moment being on anybody's

side. Or play spillikins with yourself without
cheating. Self-deception is an art, you have

to be careful not to catch yourself in the act. Perhaps
it's hardest to make out you're bad when you're feeling bad.

All that's left is to make out you're making out well.

Translated by Antonia Lloyd-Jones