After working hard all day
In the office,
How much worse on homeward way
My old cough is!
Barney's Bar is gaily lit,
Let me stop there;
Just to buck me up a bit
Have a drop there.

As I stand beside the screen
Hesitating,
I have thought of how Noreen
Will be waiting;
Baby Patsy in her lap
Gay and laughing,
While at Barney's foaming tap
I am quaffing.

Barney's Bar is mighty bright,
Looks so cheery.
Wonder what I'll drink tonight?
Gee! I'm weary.
Will I have Scotch or Rye?
Bourbon maybe . . .
Then I see with mental eye
Wife and baby.

So I say 'tis malted milk
I'll be skoffin';
Sooth my throttle sleek as silk,
Ease my coughin' . . .
Say, I love them two to death,
Sure they miss me:
With no whisky on my breath
How they'll kiss me!