I met a guy at a ball game and I thought he wanted to be my buddy.
But what he really wanted was for me to be part of a scientific study.
As he studied me, he had me strapped to a table.
He let me watch TV but the ******* didn't have cable.
He said he wanted to see what makes me tick.
He was of course jealous of the size of my ****.
He said that I'm truly one of a kind.
He searched and searched but he couldn't locate my mind.
I ate so much food that it made this guy poor.
Now he lives in a cardboard box and he's sore.
He kicked me in the nads and said he never wanted to see me again.
He said his life would be much better if he'd never heard of Cavemen.

(THIS IS A FICTIONAL POEM.)