They just found tons of oil on my property.
Yesterday I was poor and now I'm like the Beverly hillbillies.
But instead of spending the money for myself, I'm going to use it to help mankind.
I'll give to the homeless, the church and every charity I can find.

A couple of people have told me that it's stupid to be a philanthropist.
But I believe that's why God intended me to exist.
When we see so much suffering in the world, we know it isn't fair.
Thank God I can help so many people now that I'm a billionaire.