All day long I've had bad luck.
This morning I got on an elevator and it got stuck.
I had a panic attack and thought I was going to die.
I asked a man to put out his cigarette and he stuck it in my eye.

A guy tried to take my taxi so he and I had a bout.
I thought I could win but he turned me inside out.
I learned that I have a jaw that's made of glass.
I lost several of my teeth when that guy kicked my ass.

At lunch I dropped my sandwich and it got covered with ants.
I bent over to throw it away and I ripped the seat out of my pants.
At the end of the day a boy spit on me and kicked me in the nads.
Later I found a dear John letter from my wife so that proves my luck isn't all that bad.