It's crazy how
sadness is painful.
As I'm feeling it now,
It's more than just my soul.
Did I do this to myself?
Are you the cause?
Could it be something else?
Or nothing at all?
......
They tell me homosexuality is a sin,
And what am I supposed to say,
When her pacific eyes attract to me,
Like night attracts to day
They tell me not to give in,
But how could I resist,
When golden brown sugar,
Gracefully falls from her lips
......
I'm crumpling inside
but there's no reason for me to be.
I need YOU to be mad at me
so I'm no longer stuck.
I've pinned myself to a wall.
A wall of guilt.
A wall of pain and hurt.
A wall of self-hatred.
......
i am queer.
i am my school’s gsa
i am asking people’s pronouns
i am a sign on my teachers door that says “all are welcome here”
i am a couple who can’t hold hands on the street without being hate crimed
i am a protest against supreme court justices who live in a world where 7.1% of the population they swore to protect cannot live their lives being who they are unless they are behind the bars of a jail cell and don’t think to do anything to change it
i am the singular pride flag swaying lonely in the wind of a small suburban town in connecticut
i am millions of people who just want to be left alone but who’s mere existence spawns twitter debates with 80-year-olds
i am a romance novel with cartoon drawings of two women on the cover
i am mistranslated bible verses used in arguments against queer rights
......
I am bewitched,
Fully fleshed in this space between us, my hands that yearn to reach for you hold on to the edges of my sweater instead.
We sit with our lungs, hearts, and souls spread open in the dim of the night.
fresh like spring and sensitive to the world outside the window,
Yet the only thing that crowds us is a funny warmth.
The kind that spreads to your toes and fingers
Cradles you in the early morning when the dew is settled on the grass
When the line between friends or more is blurred and yet it's too late or early to distinguish.
And our words are heavy yet smooth like tea running down a sore throat.
......
Electric
Bolts across spine, down arms
Shocks wrists
Tingles palms
Tickles upon my neck, shivers my thighs
......
I am bewitched,
Fully fleshed in this space between us, my hands that yearn to reach for you hold on to the edges of my sweater instead.
We sit with our lungs, hearts, and souls spread open in the dim of the night.
fresh like spring and sensitive to the world outside the window,
Yet the only thing that crowds us is a funny warmth.
The kind that spreads to your toes and fingers
Cradles you in the early morning when the dew is settled on the grass
When the line between friends or more is blurred and yet it's too late or early to distinguish.
And our words are heavy yet smooth like tea running down a sore throat.
......
Change happens so fast
After all, it's only been a month
You're no longer the same girl
You're not the girl I loved
I can't bear to say your name
It's too hard to even speak
In so many different ways
you've made me feel so weak
......
Flashback
to when we were nine
His guts
really hated mine
I was new
He didn't even know me
I didn't know
why he felt so strongly
......
I'm crumpling inside
but there's no reason for me to be.
I need YOU to be mad at me
so I'm no longer stuck.
I've pinned myself to a wall.
A wall of guilt.
A wall of pain and hurt.
A wall of self-hatred.
......