A soft touch on your skin when you’re upset.
A comforting body when you need someone to hold.
A loving person in times you feel lonely.
Most important someone who loves you for you, and is proud of your existence.
It’s hard to explain why I miss something that was never there. It’s even harder to imagine how it would feel, have you not experienced it yourself.
It baffles me that this is something I could not experience myself. I envy everyone who did.
Maybe I would be more human, instead I’m full of hatred.
......
“I’ll always love you,”
you said
and at the time
i believed you,
believed the notion of pity
under thinly veiled expressions-
oh, he’s ashamed,
oh so ashamed
oh what else
......
"My parents raised a fighter, but this fighter is tired"
What? A fighter? and tired?
"No, I mean... there were times when it felt like things were too heavy for me to carry."
Okay, I got your point. But here's my say.
Whenever I feel down, I always keep this in mind:
Who am I to complain?
When I can't even pay them back the
sacrifices they've made for us to survive.
......
Four corners of my home
As if I knew what home was.
Was it the screaming of pain?
The shouting of my mother,
Or was it my dad, abusing her?
I Remember that time
Of Old rain and thunderous clashing
The breaking of pots and pans
To the dishes that crack.
And the monstrous yell,
......
I attempt to belong as a hunter, someone standing apart from your entity,
to restrain tautological blunders; yield myself to the sedative’s lenity.
I attempt to belong as a seeker, be of significance on my own right,
but contrary to all these endeavours… I collide with my own despite.
I whip myself on like a horse, trusting failure to be hematobic,
advancing excessive wars, self-sufficient and misanthropic.
under pressure of ceaseless wantage, I obsess about being faultless,
yet I’m at absolute disadvantage, unmindful if I endorse this.
......
I don't hate you
Because to hate would mean I care
That I feel anything towards you
But you try to get closer and make me hate you
Then blame me for fighting back
You always gave me everything
Everything you thought I wanted
Things I should want really
But I wanted to fix myself
......
beneath the weight of their constant gaze,
i live in protest, day by day.
like a book with pages torn and bent,
their love is all i’ve ever known, but it’s spent.
they hover like the morning fog, thick and cold,
each decision made for me, each move controlled.
they love me, yes—i know that it’s true,
but their love, so heavy, pulls me through.
like the catcher in the rye, i want to shout,
......
I'm a hell of a woman
A lot closer to the devil than Heaven
Burning bridges as I cross them
Winged like a angel but more 666 than 7
At least that's what my parents say...
I can't catch a break
So I'll catch you in the act of lying to my face
I'm wrong even if I'm right
......
A soft touch on your skin when you’re upset.
A comforting body when you need someone to hold.
A loving person in times you feel lonely.
Most important someone who loves you for you, and is proud of your existence.
It’s hard to explain why I miss something that was never there. It’s even harder to imagine how it would feel, have you not experienced it yourself.
It baffles me that this is something I could not experience myself. I envy everyone who did.
Maybe I would be more human, instead I’m full of hatred.
......
It's a September morning
Everything inside me is breaking
Everything seems okay yet I am not fine
Can't control this mind of mine
It's easy for you to point at my defect
But I already know I am not perfect
No matter how much I do
It's never enough for you
I wanna do more just so you'll be happy
But they are not cooperating, my mind and body
......