TW: This poem features sensitive subjects including drink spiking.
I would love some feedback on the poems, especially about how it works rhythmically and grammatically. Please note, I am aware some letters are randomly capitalised, I don't know why it has done this!
Lost in the Woods
She walked, with jingling keys clutched to her side.
With a racing heart, sweating palms and a swelling in her throat.
She stumbled through the streets as they distorted,
as they twisted and contorted.
......
We danced violet nights into day,
And walked the sunny bay.
We dined champagne and caviar,
And drove far in your beautiful car!
Everyone noticed when we hit the scene,
Like actors on a movie screen.
Each hot party sent invitations.
Had friends in many nations.
......
Jack Rabbit walked the French Quarter...
Searching for his Peter Cottontail...
Jack always knew on which corner to stand
To sniff out Peter’s Cottontail trail...
As soon as Peter was close by...
Jack would immediately start to close in...
He would offer Peter a Marlboro...
Accompanied by a wink and a grin...
......
Distant city nights,
Those faraway lights,
On the eastern border;
Colored lights quarter.
There should be hubbub,
And people club to club;
Dancing nights of August,
Music mellow and robust!
......
TW: This poem features sensitive subjects including drink spiking.
I would love some feedback on the poems, especially about how it works rhythmically and grammatically. Please note, I am aware some letters are randomly capitalised, I don't know why it has done this!
Lost in the Woods
She walked, with jingling keys clutched to her side.
With a racing heart, sweating palms and a swelling in her throat.
She stumbled through the streets as they distorted,
as they twisted and contorted.
......
Jack Rabbit walked the French Quarter...
Searching for his Peter Cottontail...
Jack always knew on which corner to stand
To sniff out Peter’s Cottontail trail...
As soon as Peter was close by...
Jack would immediately start to close in...
He would offer Peter a Marlboro...
Accompanied by a wink and a grin...
......
We danced violet nights into day,
And walked the sunny bay.
We dined champagne and caviar,
And drove far in your beautiful car!
Everyone noticed when we hit the scene,
Like actors on a movie screen.
Each hot party sent invitations.
Had friends in many nations.
......
Distant city nights,
Those faraway lights,
On the eastern border;
Colored lights quarter.
There should be hubbub,
And people club to club;
Dancing nights of August,
Music mellow and robust!
......