Do you remember just a day ago
Walking along through the fresh-fallen snow
To the places only you would know
Live and let live and live and let die
Don’t ever stop and think and wonder why
Keep your eyes forward and toward the sky
Troubled man with long dark hair
Flying higher in the smoky air
Mr. Mojo risin’ way up there
......
I’ve been needing your lies
I’ve been craving your poison
I’ve been missing your demons
I’ve been loving your hater
While I was playing with death
While it was fucking me upside down
While I was freezing face to hell
I’ve been moaning your name
When my hands were trembling
When my soul was jumping
......
It seems I don't know quite how to respond,
To the pain present, within and beyond,
So, my subconscious defaults to the lead,
With habitual patterns, I proceed…
Reliant on instincts and emotions,
These primal pathways take me through motions,
Now I’m acting rash, values misaligned,
Hurting loved ones in this stressed frame of mind,
All because I’m unable to pacify,
My cortex, drenched in stimuli.
......
The mind exits the head, the heart is being drained
Pulses bring me nearer to such a sweet release
Tears roll, cover, and dry upon that’s face
Looking in the glass that makes you myself
Choking on the lack of words I could never say
Every day brings me closer to my grande finale
No fireworks, no bangs, no tears to cry or fall
Regret fills the soul for any sign of life
Where is the angel that watches over thy’s breath
God will cry when he sees another life wasted
......
Drugs
Have made you old and me older
Drugs and mental illness
Drugs and mental illness interspersed with accusation, rationalization, retaliation
Arrests, hearings, warrants
Missed opportunities and stagnation
Suicide attempts and hospitalization
I could go on
But it started with drugs
......
It seems I don't know quite how to respond,
To the pain present, within and beyond,
So, my subconscious defaults to the lead,
With habitual patterns, I proceed…
Reliant on instincts and emotions,
These primal pathways take me through motions,
Now I’m acting rash, values misaligned,
Hurting loved ones in this stressed frame of mind,
All because I’m unable to pacify,
My cortex, drenched in stimuli.
......
His teacher thinks he should write poems
but he missed the last bus
and don’t know what to say
And he spoke to her for the first time in a year
but she didn’t ask him any questions
so he peeled off his orange skin
And the posters kept falling down
so he kept putting them back up
but they ripped a little more each time
And he started going to sleep without them
......
Lifeless, tasteless, emotionless.
A world without color.
No will to survive.
A shell of the man I once was.
Going through the motions everyday.
A machine without a purpose.
No will, no drive, just endless mechanical movement.
That which I used to strive for seems pointless.
Entertaining hobbies have become nothing more than dull habits.
Nothing to look forward to.
......
The days are long and hard.
They drain every drop of energy in me.
During that ride home I feel so empty, lifeless.
People, Voices, Faces in the crowds.
It’s all too much. Too much stimulation.
Too many worries.
Too much anxiety.
They’re all looking at me.
They’re all talking about me.
They’re all judging me.
......
“You’re not alone” they say.
They’re all here for me they say.
My teachers, my friends, my family.
They’re here for me.
They’re all supporting me.
But if that’s true then why do I still feel so alone.
Why do I still have to cry alone.
But they’re here for me right ?
So why don’t they see that I’m suffering.
Why can’t they hear my cries at night.
......