I caught myself missing him.
Realistically I don't know if I missed him or missed the routine,
The good morning text, getting through the day updating one another and the simplicity of having someone be present in your life.
I'm not sure if I missed him or if I missed the potential I saw in him, the way his mother convinced me he was a good guy when no one was around.
I'm not sure if I missed him or missed what could have been. We could have been something good and healthy. We could have healed one another's traumas. We could have been happy.
......
I have understood my mother in the present weather.
Her colourless, toothless, though contended a smile
Naif, fair, with dappled on face,
Age and height middled
Beautiful, my ‘maa’ she was.
In winter, she caught the ability to forget,
Forget her past, her present.... future-
Everything, but not everything, not me.
I was the nectar if bee she was,
......
Can the heart compute desire's trajectory
Or logic obtuse with semantic ambiguities
This simple ache's expletive detonation?
This is the wordless ultimate ballistic
Impacting past Science's reason, past logic
To blast the heart's defensive mechanism.
O my heart, my lost hope love, my dear
Absence and hunger mushroom my hemispheres;
......
Roses are red violets are blue.
And I cannot stop thinking of you
Even though I balk, It hurts so much we can never talk.
I'm sorry, I don't want you to forget me but I don't want you to remember me.
I'm sorry I guess I'm just emotional.
A little bit controllable.
Wait does that make me knowable?
I'd love to be consolable but I'm just too emotional.
And you!
You make it worse.
......
I've been crying on my knees, hoping you would rescue me.
Oh, darling don't you remember me?
The one you said you'd always need.
Now I'm collecting dust in the closet of people you loved.
And silenced and sad thinking of the love we never had.
Oh, won't you open your eyes and see.
Won't you please remember me.
All my hopes and all my dreams all seem like they won't be coming true. Yet all I can think of is you. So, I sit in this closet hoping this is a dream. And waiting...and waiting, for you to remember me.
I caught myself missing him.
Realistically I don't know if I missed him or missed the routine,
The good morning text, getting through the day updating one another and the simplicity of having someone be present in your life.
I'm not sure if I missed him or if I missed the potential I saw in him, the way his mother convinced me he was a good guy when no one was around.
I'm not sure if I missed him or missed what could have been. We could have been something good and healthy. We could have healed one another's traumas. We could have been happy.
......
if all the universe is entangled
if we are all opposites in order to exist
intertwined
we are tied, we are
victims of fate, bound
by the very nature of the impossible
but measuring renders particles split apart
cut that crimson thread that binds us
for we know our truth
the probability
......
“Only kiss me on my forehead,
if you're trying to make me yours."
A gentle sterness in your voice.
A soft command that echoes.
Is it a dare or a boundary?
I still can't decide.
And now here you are, wrappen in nights emrace.
As I see myself leaning in.
......
Oh god, turn me into a flower.
So I can find my home in the rain.
No longer lying awake,
wondering if I've soaked in the sun enough that day.
Turn me into a flower.
A yellow one, quitly bright.
So I can be picked,
without pretending to be anything more.
......
I am fifteen and I do not dream of houses and husbands and children
Like the other girls around me
I am sixteen and I don’t care if the boys don’t notice me
I surely do not notice them
I am seventeen and I am so different from everyone in my town
I cannot wait to leave
I am eighteen and I am leaving for college
Finally free from the judgment of my small town
I am nineteen and I drop out
I pack my bags and move to a city
......