Slipping.
Faster and faster.
Why won't you stay.
You don't need to go any faster.
I can keep up.
Promise me you will wait.
My hand is slipping may we please go slower.
Your hand moving away faster.
Please I want to hold onto you longer.
You're letting me go.
......
I distance myself to gather my thoughts
Conflicted by fears and trauma
Trying to find myself through the whole chaos
And I always question if it’s all worth it
If it’s worth waiting for
If it worth fighting for
How did it come to this?
How did I build all these walls just to watch them break again?
Is it worth the wait?
My heart, breaks each day
No one knows, they don't have to know
But it breaks each time I think about it
Some days I feel like a failure
Though I always make myself seem like a champion
Some days I feel like the ugliest girl
Though I would always self praise when I'm around others
I would overwork and stress myself out
Fall sick, health deteriorating
......
Sepia memories fade into an hollow, hurting gap,
I am consumed by the future, I am constrained by my past,
Everything I am is everything I thought I lacked,
And yet my eyes remain downcast, and yet I only feel trapped.
Caught inside the blurred fog of reality and perception,
I loathe who I am, and I am too proud to learn any lesson,
From my action's repercussions, so I stand and I listen,
Claustrophobia and tunnel vision, hand in hand, this dissidence.
......
Remember me? The heart you left to beat alone. The one you left no hand to hold My heart gone cold, my love grown old. My mind worn and my soul sold...
Continue reading
Slipping.
Faster and faster.
Why won't you stay.
You don't need to go any faster.
I can keep up.
Promise me you will wait.
My hand is slipping may we please go slower.
Your hand moving away faster.
Please I want to hold onto you longer.
You're letting me go.
......
I have wandered through moments, each etched in laughter. I'm a master of solitude, and don't mind taking the latter.
'Life's too short' and I think we still take it too seriously, or maybe I'm just privileged to live in a First World country.
I take advantage of inheritance, but at the cost of my heritage. I used to feel ashamed for being Chinese instead of the white American.
The moral of life is 'you live and you learn,' but Matthew barely lived, and Michael can't truly learn.
I try to find lightheartedness in unfortunate situations, but sometimes it's like watching your house burn up while being thankful for God's graciousness.
......
Love is a river that flows freely,
but for me,it became a dam.
It did not carry me to open seas,
but anchored me to you.
Each step I took was toward you,
even when the road was jagged.
Each breath I drew whispered your name,
even when silence was my only companion.
......
Love,a force so wild,so free,
now binds my heart in agony.
It reaches out,yet pulls me back,
a cruel path,a tortured track.
The stars above,they see my pain,
whisper truths I can't explain.
To hold you close,to touch your hand,
is but a dream I cannot stand.
......
I feel like a dog on a leash, nailed to the ground in your yard.
How is it my happiness dictates your profane and wicked ways?
Your hearts are like water, shifting like your states of minds.
One moment you're warm and fluid, and the next you're cold and stone.
Although we don’t see eye to eye, there is such a thing as compromise.
Your authority almost killed me the first time around.
How are you so blind-sighted to all the times you've let me down?
So, the next time you ask me why I don't want to stay,
Maybe you'll look back and finally acknowledge your mistakes before it's too late.
......