I was hoping to be happy by seventeen.
School was a sharp check mark in the roll book,
An obnoxious tuba playing at noon because our team
Was going to win at night. The teachers were
Too close to dying to understand. The hallways
Stank of poor grades and unwashed hair. Thus,
A friend and I sat watching the water on Saturday,
Neither of us talking much, just warming ourselves
By hurling large rocks at the dusty ground
And feeling awful because San Francisco was a postcard
......
Oceanic dawn
at the center
of my life,
waves like grapes,
the sky's solitude,
you fill me
and flood
the complete sea,
the undiminished sky,
tempo
......
In silent night when rest I took
For sorrow near I did not look
I waked was with thund'ring noise
And piteous shrieks of dreadful voice.
That fearful sound of "Fire!" and "Fire!"
Let no man know is my desire.
I, starting up, the light did spy,
And to my God my heart did cry
To strengthen me in my distress
And not to leave me succorless.
......
I respect peaceful protests, and I favor their persistence.
They courageously speak for me and every other silenced victim.
Only few survivors parade while the rest of us stay unknown,
Because the system consists of what's easiest for the majority by declaring our situations overblown.
The most comforting feeling is having control over what you portray,
But unfortunately for the innocent, villains thrive on inducing oppressive disarray.
The world shouldn't be black and white because life flourishes in the gray,
Never conclude that your sentiment presents the only insightful say.
I encourage you to find your voice and don't shy away from fears and afraids,
......
I'll tell you something: every day
people are dying. And that's just the beginning.
Every day, in funeral homes, new widows are born,
new orphans. They sit with their hands folded,
trying to decide about this new life.
Then they're in the cemetery, some of them
for the first time. They're frightened of crying,
sometimes of not crying. Someone leans over,
tells them what to do next, which might mean
......
I tried to run, escaping the trees
but the forest was alive behind me
pulling on me fast, like shadows under the sun
finally, I paused, and unconsciously started crying like a firing gun
the tangled roots beneath my feet
started to consume me whole
how very grateful can one be
for finally losing all control
......
I respect peaceful protests, and I favor their persistence.
They courageously speak for me and every other silenced victim.
Only few survivors parade while the rest of us stay unknown,
Because the system consists of what's easiest for the majority by declaring our situations overblown.
The most comforting feeling is having control over what you portray,
But unfortunately for the innocent, villains thrive on inducing oppressive disarray.
The world shouldn't be black and white because life flourishes in the gray,
Never conclude that your sentiment presents the only insightful say.
I encourage you to find your voice and don't shy away from fears and afraids,
......
January 1st is coming up, and I'm still stuck on that night in July.
You watched the fireworks in the sky, and I watched them from your eyes.
Your arm was wrapped around mine, and even between us were sparks that fly.
Color flushed from my face while my heart pounded through my chest.
All I could hear was the sound of my lungs grasping for a breath.
I would do anything to be in that moment once again, and I would give everything to have more than the title of just friends.
In 7 days, 2025 will begin, but if had one wish to be conferred, it would be to redo that warm night in July on the third.
Instead of re-losing the battle to my cowardice, I imagine my confidence leans in for a kiss.
......
When I was younger, I feared mirrors and darkness.
I feared the characters from horror films and the mutations they could harness.
I kept my head above the covers so I could witness my fated farewell.
Yet all I ever saw was the refute of my imagination’s creatures from hell.
We met during the race, and I slowed my pace to talk.
But running turned to walking, and we both reached a halt.
We regressed and recurred back to classical autonomy.
The Devil won this stretch, and I’m at a loss in my spiritual odyssey.
......
If you were to ask why I wear a weighted vest, I would tell you it's in my best physical interest.
But on a deeper level, body dysmorphia screws with my head, and the lies I tell myself will one day have me dead.
They scream at me to put on the damn vest and don't stop until I can't take another step.
They scream at me to suck it up, so I trek until I inhale but can't seem to catch a breath.
If you were to ask why I'm always with someone, I would tell you that I love my friends and that comfortable silence is truly the best.
But on a deeper level, I can't be alone because of the ways I depreciate myself when there are no witnesses.
If I wake up alone, I rot in bed until it's someone else that might be negatively affected.
If I eat alone, I overindulge, just to come out of the bathroom with my eyes bloodshot and my cheeks puffy and red.
......