You missed it when you walked in,
The tiles in the bathroom that looked like an ogre,
That had captured my imagination as a child.
You missed that the bottom stair was harder,
The leak in the upstairs bathroom that was neglected and left to the care of a bowl,
Emptied weekly as if this chore was less than fixing it.
You missed the dent in the paint from the arguments,
Doors slammed haphazardly into walls,
The stain on the carpet from way back when,
......
O memories of long ago
I never thought I'd miss you
I still remember those times
Never thought they'd be the best of times
Oh, how I long for those days
Hard as they were, painful even
They are the loveliest, nonetheless
Younger me would've been perplexed
If she knew I want those days back!
But perhaps that's how life is
......
He's as high as a georgia pine, my father'd say, half laughing. southern trees
as measure, metaphor. highways lined with kudzu-covered southern trees.
fuchsia, lavender, white, light pink, purple : crape myrtle bouquets burst
open on sturdy branches of skin-smooth bark : my favorite southern trees.
one hundred degrees in the shade : we settle into still pools of humidity, moss-
dark, beneath live oaks. southern heat makes us grateful for southern trees.
the maples in our front yard flew in spring on helicopter wings. in fall, we
......
I wanted it maybe even begged
But once the light reaches you I know what it really means
The want and the need
The adverse effects of loneliness
It's unfortunate that we can say words without any true weight behind them
It's all fun and games in late night shades
Whisky tongues and empty years
The stars curse me and you play out their deed
I know better
I know what I deserve
......
Achy bones like brittle tree bark
Stretching skin ripping like paper
Numb tendons lagging behind
Emotions mixed like soup on a cold day
Confused in finding a footing
Changes etched in aging eyes
Renewed perspective aching with stretching numbness
Growing up means experiencing new Pains.
Loving had never made me feel so lonely, and living never made me feel so lifeless.
Patience was scarce and I was desperate for rest, and the only peace I found was in romanticizing my death.
Hate was addictive, but only towards myself, because I bought into the beauty standards that society sells.
At 10 I didn't know that it was rape and not love, because I believed what he told me until he hurt me for fun.
12 and I hoped that my heart surgery would fail, because at least it'd get me out of writing fair wells.
14 and I wondered “What if infanticide would have won?” or “What if my parents had never given me up?”
16 and my wrists were an escape from the numb, and the only things I believed in were my sports and bulimia.
18 and my stories grew older and untold, because no one had time to be friends with broken souls.
19 and 1 month and I feel most alive; now I know how to live, and not just survive.
......
O memories of long ago
I never thought I'd miss you
I still remember those times
Never thought they'd be the best of times
Oh, how I long for those days
Hard as they were, painful even
They are the loveliest, nonetheless
Younger me would've been perplexed
If she knew I want those days back!
But perhaps that's how life is
......
When does all the reinvention, reincarnation, praying, and stumbling end?
Where does the transformation stop and the life after it begin?
To transfigure is to change, to become more beautiful and spiritual
And yet, each one of my successive reinventions
Feels more like sewing sinews to a fractured bone
Than weeks in which I praise God and embrace the transformation.
I am tired of reinventing myself.
It has been five years since I began to change–
......
Achy bones like brittle tree bark
Stretching skin ripping like paper
Numb tendons lagging behind
Emotions mixed like soup on a cold day
Confused in finding a footing
Changes etched in aging eyes
Renewed perspective aching with stretching numbness
Growing up means experiencing new Pains.
Who am I?
I trod the earth,
My fingers knead the clouds.
I bend my mind into a
Hypotenuse of Pythagoras,
But the proper path to walk is dark
Behind and before
With never a tremor
But a start.
......