Even while I dreamed I prayed that what I saw was only fear and no foretelling,
for I saw the last known landscape destroyed for the sake
of the objective, the soil bludgeoned, the rock blasted.
Those who had wanted to go home would never get there now.
I visited the offices where for the sake of the objective the planners planned
at blank desks set in rows. I visited the loud factories
where the machines were made that would drive ever forward
toward the objective. I saw the forest reduced to stumps and gullies; I saw
the poisoned river, the mountain cast into the valley;
......
At the end of my suffering
there was a door.
Hear me out: that which you call death
I remember.
Overhead, noises, branches of the pine shifting.
Then nothing. The weak sun
flickered over the dry surface.
......
He sat in a wheeled chair, waiting for dark,
And shivered in his ghastly suit of grey,
Legless, sewn short at elbow. Through the park
Voices of boys rang saddening like a hymn,
Voices of play and pleasure after day,
Till gathering sleep had mothered them from him.
About this time Town used to swing so gay
When glow-lamps budded in the light blue trees,
And girls glanced lovelier as the air grew dim,-
......
Mama, come back.
Why did you leave
now that I am learning you?
The landlady next door
how she apologizes
for my rough brown skin
to her tenant from Hong Kong
as if I were her daughter,
as if she were you.
......
I
Living is no laughing matter:
you must live with great seriousness
like a squirrel, for example--
I mean without looking for something beyond and above living,
I mean living must be your whole occupation.
Living is no laughing matter:
you must take it seriously,
so much so and to such a degree
......
This life of mine, through their tinted glass,
was one of pure liberation,
yet right outside of those rims,
was the freedom that brought confusion.
A fish from the river, out in the sea,
swims around in circles, where to go?
Adored bird of the cage, escaped and free,
fears the clouds above, the land safer to be...
And it is not their fault- its burned in,
the limitlessness igniting a fear,
......
Paranoia, oh lost friend,
Come back to me,
And we'll have a tea of poison or two
As we fall in the void of nothingness,
You and I we'll shiver with emptiness,
For Paranoia makes me cry,
but today she's going to make me pry
As you tell me how I'm falling apart
I'll tell you, honey, I've only just started,
this train wreck is so much more to come
......
it is not the dark that terrifies me,
but the shadow it casts, stretching endlessly forward.
fear is not the thunder but the waiting for the strike,
the ache of a sky too heavy to hold its silence.
it is not the monster at the door—
it is the sound of the latch shifting,
the soft creak of wood that makes me freeze,
makes me pray to remain unseen.
fear is a seed that blooms in my chest,
......
I have recently learned how to make adjectives out of nouns;
the components are problem and a person, joining together to make a "problematic" one..
it's me, I'm the problem—atic one.
I developed my skills to create the problem and to solve it;
The fear and the one who is full of it is "fearful", while the one who is stripped of everything he once had will be called "fearless".
P.S. Both of them still have the root "fear-" inside of them.
Inside my head
There lives a thought
She scratches, she paws
She begs to be let out
The thumping from inside
On my temple, between my eyes
Thumping, thumping, thumping
......