As I stand before the Lord,
I set down my sheild and sword,
Because it's hard to be strong
When God dictates you are wrong,
And what defense is proof
When no one cares what is the truth?
Cuz there's no way to fight,
If God is always right
And the angels stand,
......
I grabbed my coat and took off
Went out for a walk
I know I've been told
That the streets are cold.
The moment I took a step
I know I'm not safe
But it doesn't matter
Because I...didn't even matter.
......
isolated in self-doubt,
relishing the pain of insecurity,
at least i feel something.
indulging nicotine,
like a bladed fidget,
just to escape.
fleeing from freedom,
refuge in the familiar toxicity.
scared to fight for myself,
because what if the voice is right,
......
I see them stressed, depressed, got worries they can't forget:
Here they are in all this pain
If only they could somehow change
So everybody is the same.
Then all their problems might just fade...
Distressed, compressed, their minds are all a mess,
Bridled, suicidal, they can't escape their titles.
They can't live here in all this pain,
Why can't everybody change
......
I woke up this morning still too drunk to feel my face. drowning in sweat, i can’t get you out of my brain. last night was mostly a blur, i wish i would’ve drank enough to forget it all. i remember waking up at 2am screaming because i couldn’t stop seeing you, the nightmares came back and they won’t fucking stop. i remember
having tears streaming down my face. Even though i was standing in front of a mirror, i didn’t recognize myself. i looked like a shadow of someone i once was. i don’t know what to tell my mom.. but last night i think
she found out, i can’t even look at her with out her crying. i’m so fucking scared of letting go but everyone keeps talking. and they won’t stop. i wish it would all stop. i hate saying it but i miss you, you said so many things that couldn’t be promised and it hurts. i only felt safe with you but now my whole world is a tornado and nothing feels real. i don’t want to wake up at 2am anymore begging whatever god there may be for you to come back, i want to fall asleep tangling your hair through my fingers, telling you how much i want to live a boring life with you.
The darkness creeps
Slipping into my veins
Growing roots
That sink deeper by the day
No joy
Only sorrow
Sorrow and regret
I can't shake it away
......
isolated in self-doubt,
relishing the pain of insecurity,
at least i feel something.
indulging nicotine,
like a bladed fidget,
just to escape.
fleeing from freedom,
refuge in the familiar toxicity.
scared to fight for myself,
because what if the voice is right,
......
Every step I take,
Every move I make,
Everything I do
Ends up a mistake,
I fail,
And I try,
To start all over again
But
......
Some days are sad days
No reason is needed,
You don't find things fun,
Jokes go unheeded
You don't want to cry,
But you can't seem to smile,
You just kinda sit,
And stare at the wall for a while
......
My room is so messy
But I can't seem to clean
I try to explain it,
But I can't say what I mean.
My room is too stuffy,
Outside is too cold,
The dishes need washing
Before they grow mold.
......