Comedy Poems
Your Car Sucks!
by Randy Johnson
You've designed a new electric car and it's being built on the assembly line.
You've been pestering me to buy one but I never will, one of your cars will never be mine.
You want me to buy one but I'm going to pass.
Your car sucks and you can shove it up your ass.
It takes fourteen hours to charge it and it can only be driven for thirty minutes.
Your car is a joke and when it comes to one of them, you'll never see me in it.
If I couldn't design a better car than yours, I'd give up and quit.
I will never buy one of your cars because they are pieces of shit.
My Cousin's Choice
by Randy Johnson
A Wizard gave my cousin two choices, become an ogre or praise the new Doctor Who.
It took less than five seconds for him to choose what to do.
He chose to become an ugly green ogre even though it will be for the remainder of his days.
He chose to be an ogre because the new Doctor Who TV show isn't something he'll ever praise.
He became an ogre two years ago and this morning I learned that he doesn't regret it.
Ho doesn't regret his choice even though he's so ugly that he makes Shrek look like Brad Pitt.
When he was given the choices, he was expected to praise the new Doctor Who.
He has always loved the original Doctor Who TV show but he sure dies hate the new.
Lightening
by Percules The Poet
Not many things in life tend to get me real excited.
But I get so high that I am flying.
I could go on endlessly page after page just writing.
My demons everyday I am fighting.
I make them disappear like they are lightening.
Everything will have its own timing.
Every fire first has to be ignited.
I will be the one to light it.
If you want my time you have to buy it.
Solve your problems instead of wasting your time crying.
......
God Is Cracking Down
by Randy Johnson
I broke one of God's Commandments when I stole an extension cord.
I was struck by a bolt of lightning because I angered The Lord.
God is cracking down on those who break his Ten Commandments.
You'd better listen to what I'm saying because I'm making a lot of sense.
When I chose to be a used car salesman, it wasn't a decision that was wise.
God struck me with leprosy because it's my job to constantly tell lies.
I haven't broken just a few of God's Commandments, I've broken all ten.
God is cracking down, he is making me pay for each and every sin.
Because I've become a leper, I can't get a date with a woman on any night.
When women see me, they wet themselves and start running because of fright.
......
Nobody Will Pay The Kidnapper
by Randy Johnson
A man has kidnapped two people and is demanding 50 million for their safe return.
But people have discovered who the two hostages are and they are not concerned.
Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump are the two people who have been kidnapped.
People won't give a plug nickel for the safe return of those two pieces of crap.
Clinton and Trump won't be coming home any time soon, they are trapped.
If somebody does pay the ransom, he or she will certainly deserve to be slapped.
Lightening
by Percules The Poet
Not many things in life tend to get me real excited.
But I get so high that I am flying.
I could go on endlessly page after page just writing.
My demons everyday I am fighting.
I make them disappear like they are lightening.
Everything will have its own timing.
Every fire first has to be ignited.
I will be the one to light it.
If you want my time you have to buy it.
Solve your problems instead of wasting your time crying.
......
Life is a Circus
by Priya Goel
A young lad blossoms from a petal,
Many challenges to come and yet to settle.
Here begins life's crazy circus,
To be happy but yet sometimes serious.
A circus to be a star in your own ring,
To keep trying and never stop thinking.
To lean not too far in one direction,
Find a balance even beneath the most odd collection.
......
Unfortunate birthday
by Roxana Darvish
The midwife said "yikes!" And looked at the pale creature
"No man will take her as wife, she better become a teacher"
Mother asked "that bad?" Midwife shook her head
Mother sighed and said " I wish I were dead"
Then she took a breath, and asked for her mate
......
Princess Peach Turned Out To Be A Snob
by Randy Johnson
I had to travel through eight worlds to save Princess Peach.
But she's about as warm and caring as a blood sucking leech.
After killing seven fake Bowsers, I finally destroyed the real one.
I did it to save Peach but it was something I shouldn't have done.
She turned out to be a snob, she called me dumb and Luigi dumber.
She said that we're worthless in her eyes because we're just plumbers.
I had to fight turtles and Goombas, and I told her that I deserved to be thanked.
She said that I'm dust beneath her feet and I decided that she should be spanked.
I put her over my knee and I spanked that soft ass.
She cried and cried which proves that she has no class.
......
My Cousin's Choice
by Randy Johnson
A Wizard gave my cousin two choices, become an ogre or praise the new Doctor Who.
It took less than five seconds for him to choose what to do.
He chose to become an ugly green ogre even though it will be for the remainder of his days.
He chose to be an ogre because the new Doctor Who TV show isn't something he'll ever praise.
He became an ogre two years ago and this morning I learned that he doesn't regret it.
Ho doesn't regret his choice even though he's so ugly that he makes Shrek look like Brad Pitt.
When he was given the choices, he was expected to praise the new Doctor Who.
He has always loved the original Doctor Who TV show but he sure dies hate the new.
