I am not thin
For my stomach is not flat
My skin no longer tight
And I often see myself as fat
I am not sexy
And I am not tall
My ass is not round
And my breasts are not full
......
They make us hate our bodies so much
that we forget we own it.
we spend our youth hunting for anyone
else to handle the now excessive load.
we let them use it until the fragments of
what was once ours shatters into
something unrecognizable.
why does society push us so quickly into forfeiting our own autonomy?
the first thing we are ready to give up is the one thing we truly own.
......
I'm trying to find a new perspective of me;
To learn to accept my mountains, valleys, and plains.
To learn to find beauty in my own landscape.
To develop a whole new panorama of the world.
My body is a revolving door
The procession relentlessly comes and goes
Without a glance my way
There is no doorman
If there were I would be ashamed
To whisper in his ear
“Don’t let them in”
The incessant coming and going
......
My body is all I shall amount to,
An obvious failure of picturesque?
Of the fantasies I'd die to live through,
My jealously unlawfully confessed.
I looks around and feel unsubstantial,
If eyes don't shine then why the need for sight?
Waiting to blind me to keep the secret,
Broken dolls don't look better in the light.
......
I relapsed—
After my shift
Rushed to the bathroom
Purged it all out
I hate this brain
That makes me hurt myself
I'm just so tired
Of never feeling worthy
Always second choice
Not valued, passed over
......
I wish people could see through my eyes
Hear through my ears
Cry through the night
And think my thoughts
I wish someone could feel my pain
Because maybe they wouldn't stare
And i wouldn't feel the glares
They wouldn't talk about me
And would know that behind every person
That talks about me
......
The mirrors in this house leer at me
They taunt me
Come, look!
They say
I don't want to look, I know what I'll see
Red dots scattered across my forehead and cheeks
Eyebrows that are just a bit to bushy and a unibrow that never quite goes away
Lips that don't match the bottom much to big for the top
Two chins.
Hair that never seems to stay in place
......
I’d like to return this.
It doesn’t fit me right.
It’s far too small, yet too big at the same time.
The zipper is stuck, it catches on my spine.
The material is far too uncomfortable.
I’d like to return this suit.
The coloring is off, there’s stains and marks all across the arms.
I think someone ripped it at the shoulder and tried to sew it back together again.
......
i forgive my body
for all that she’s done
i free him from his sins
and nestle in her safety
i thank my body for protecting me
......