my mind is overthinking
the ship keeps on sinking
the cup is overflowing
but my mind keeps on going
nothing but my anxiety growing
my sadness surely showing
but my mind is now rowing in my thoughts
the ship might as well be a yacht
a party for the distraught
with the demons they haven't yet caught
......
Sorrow fills my heart like a barrel of lead
Regret drowns my spirit like a vengeful foe
Guilt gnaws my peace like a beast starved
Fear rises from my gut like a bubbling volcano
Pain clouds my sight and snatches my breath
I run - Despair lingers and hovers at every turn
An occasional burst of light - A flash - An image evades my grasp
Pain cripples my bones - And it's dark again
The world is spinning faster than I can plant my feet
Change rattles my mind, and all I do is my best to stay the same
But do I really love this guy?
I stutter when I step,
I tremble when I talk,
I miss the days where I felt like
All of the words I spoke were so beautiful
Maybe I lost me while I was trying so hard to keep him
......
Everything has already been said
I don’t need to repeat the words inside my head
Don’t need to say how I feel or
Tell you that I can’t take it anymore
Disappointed writing this
You’re telling me you’re proud
It just feels like I might miss
Out on things, the voices are too loud
......
Memory is a sick lie
A joke
We choke on
Collectively
Memory is rose gold
Damp with mold
Stretched thin and wide
It fills me with hope
......
Sorrow fills my heart like a barrel of lead
Regret drowns my spirit like a vengeful foe
Guilt gnaws my peace like a beast starved
Fear rises from my gut like a bubbling volcano
Pain clouds my sight and snatches my breath
I run - Despair lingers and hovers at every turn
An occasional burst of light - A flash - An image evades my grasp
Pain cripples my bones - And it's dark again
"Panic attack," they say.
Is this it?
I whisper, my voice shaking.
I know it’s just in my head,
Everything’s fine.
But then, my heart races—
A drum I can’t outrun.
I flee to the bathroom,
Lock myself in a stall,
......
To that petulant emissary of death
That seeks to chase me always
Like exhale after breath
As if i were life itself
With its beauty given birthright
......
Every wave overpowers the previous,
Each stronger than before.
An endless cycle of crashing upon tides rolling back.
They seen to constantly strengthen,
But the beach will never be overtaken.
Moments of strength will fade,
Making the next much more powerful.
11/15/23
Legs bouncing
hands shaking
I feel my hair stick up on my legs and arms
this cold feeling of my adolescence fades
and the warm morning glaze of new horizons washes over me
all the things I used to love
The teddy bear that still sleeps next to me at night
waking up without caring
fearing
longing for that smell of sterile school air
......