I only know
how to write
sad things
sad songs
sad brings along
the anger,
the angst from my teens
my spiritual upbringing
......
My head filled with so many thoughts
every single day,
My heart beat is racing
I’ve got too much to say.
So many feelings inside me
lonely ,hurt, angry
I used to love eating food,
Now I barely feel hungry.
......
My lips are a barrier to a sick tongue,
Lies taste sweet, I can never get enough,
The truth is bitter, and It goes down tough,
My throat burns.
My thoughts take over the empty spaces,
And They find their way to the darkest places,
I can not even remember what today is, let alone what my name is,
Broken.
......
Another night in my mind
Sleepy late, the borrowed kind
Why do I keep coming back here
When I know it’s empty inside?
I’m sorry the good Lord didn’t show
It’s hard to believe I know
That we’re all born broken and bitter
Good spirits are everything
......
Silly is the word for your signals
[The laugh is an impermissible one]
From my tummy to your ears
From your ears to your eyes and,
From your eyes to your nose,
Sense me? Impermissible:
I breathe my stomach,
You do not breathe but see me,
You silly sensory sensor
My organization of organs
......
I only know
how to write
sad things
sad songs
sad brings along
the anger,
the angst from my teens
my spiritual upbringing
......
Are my thoughts too loud,
Does the breeze of my breath graze your skin in the heat of summer?
And my hands cling too tightly that your palms sweat,
And you count the seconds until I notice?
Do my words come out staggered and awkward-
Far apart and yet too close,
And do I linger far too long for hands held too stiff for an applause? [one that won’t occur]
Do you like me kinder, sweeter and quiet?
Am I preferred to lie in the heat of battle,
......
Who's this man in the mirror,
I have seen him, don't know him.
He is hostile, he doesn't like me,
Never believes a word I say,
I don't either,
Sometimes he cries tenderly,
I don't want to join him.
He will never like me,
It's not worth even trying.
Sorrow fills my heart like a barrel of lead
Regret drowns my spirit like a vengeful foe
Guilt gnaws my peace like a beast starved
Fear rises from my gut like a bubbling volcano
Pain clouds my sight and snatches my breath
I run - Despair lingers and hovers at every turn
An occasional burst of light - A flash - An image evades my grasp
Pain cripples my bones - And it's dark again
"Panic attack," they say.
Is this it?
I whisper, my voice shaking.
I know it’s just in my head,
Everything’s fine.
But then, my heart races—
A drum I can’t outrun.
I flee to the bathroom,
Lock myself in a stall,
......