My bumpy road to sexual maturity was paved with the death of communist dictators.
My first sexual experience coincided with the death of Mao Zedong. I was bitten by
a girl called Diana in nursery school. My voice broke when Tito died, and I first came
when Brezhnev went. For three days there was nothing but classical music on the radio,
which I thought was overdoing it, some schools even closed. Then for a long time,
nothing. As an experiment, I took a girl to the movies, but the film was too good, and
I got cramps in my hand. Events accelerated in high school. It was only a couple
of months between the first kiss and the first frantic fumbling. Following Andropov,
Chernenko also checked out. A couple more weeks, and it was Enver's turn, but I'd
rather not go into that. I first found out about the G spot when Ceausescu was
executed. Kim Il Sung cast new light on my broadening horizons, luckily, the charges
were dropped. Fidel...

translated by Judith Sonnabend