Hank’s back
Arrived in the early hours
Crawled up drainpipe
So as not to wake anyone
And fell asleep in the bath

He’s a pitiful sight
One leg completely gone
Kids didn’t recognise him
Thought he was that would be Charlie Parker
Nearly drowned him

I let him sleep for two days
And asked no questions
But I knew he’d need to talk sooner or later

The Germans nearly finished me he said
They are a harsh race
Still punishing themselves behind closed doors
Mass self flagellation, sauerkraut and wurst diet
If I never smell Liebfraumilch again
It won’t be too soon

Spent hours on the docks
Looking for escape route
But they know all the tricks
God knows they’ve run a few secure units

Anyway, sweet wine and melancholy got me
Met an old hooker one night, Lili,
Seen better days
Legs not too hairy now
Eyesight a bit dodgy
But seemed a good enough sort

One thing led to another
We ended up in her rusty beer can
Too sad, lonely spiders
Well, you know how these things go
God knows I needed some comfort

I fell asleep about three in the morning
Woke up with a stabbing pain
The bitch was trying to eat me
One leg gone quicker than a fly eats shit
It was a battle getting out I can tell you
Only saved by the widget
Sprang back and decapitated her

I left Hank to sleep
But the next day I had to ask
Isn’t it common practise, this eat your lover bit?

Sure he said
For love
Many a noble spider has gone that way
But Lili was just an old slapper
Hanging round the docks
Looking for a free meal
From desperate foreigners
Where’s the love in that?
Where’s the dignity in such a death?

Hank has gone back into his hole
Behind the toilet
Said he needed a couple of days to think
That was two weeks ago

What can you do for a traumatised spider?