Hank’s leaving
Over crowded he say’s
Word got out
We’re a soft touch
And that was it
They were queueing at the door

Enough’s enough
I told Hank
And he agreed
But said he was leaving anyway
Because he knows how persistant
Some spiders can be
And, he said, he had a bad feeling about all this

We put a sign up
Spiders not welcome
They took no notice
Pretended they couldn’t read

You see, said Hank
Just look at that one
Clearly an academic
Probably letters after his name
Show him the DDT
Bet he’ll bloody well read then

Anyway Hank’s gone now
We said our goodbye’s
And then doused the house with DDT
Laid both cats up for a while
And the dogs got alopetia
But the spiders have gone

One of them tried to sneak back later
Said he was a friend of Hank’s
And that he played the trumpet
Who was he kidding
I know a trumpet player when I see one.