Sir Ralph, a simple, rural Knight,
Could just distinguish Wrong from Right;
When he receiv'd a Quarter's Rent,
And almost half in Taxes went,
He rail'd at Places, Bribes, and Pensions,
And secret Service, new Inventions;
Preach'd up the true, old English Spirit,
And mourn'd the great neglect of Merit;
Lamented our forlorn Condition,
And wish'd the Country would Petition;
Said, he would first subscribe his Name,
And added 'twas a burning Shame
That some Men large Estates should get,
And fatten on the Publick Debt;
Of his poor Country urg'd his Love,
And shook his Head at Those above.

This Conduct in a private Station,
Procur'd the Knight great Reputation;
The Neighbours all approv'd his Zeal,
(Though few Men judge, yet all Men feel)
And with a general Voice declar'd
Money was scarce, the Times were hard,
That what Sir Ralph observ'd was true,
And wish'd the Gallows had its Due.

Thus bless'd in popular Affection,
Behold! there came on an Election,
And who more proper than Sir Ralph
To guard their Privileges safe?
So, in Return for Zeal and Beer,
They chose him for a Knight o'th' Shire.

But mark how Climates change the Mind,
And Virtue chops about like Wind!
Duely the Knight came up to Town,
Resolv'd to pull Corruption down,
Frequented Clubs of the same Party,
And in the Cause continued hearty,
Broach'd his Opinions, wet and dry,
And gave some honest Votes awry.

At length, in that old, spacious Court,
Where Members just at Noon resort,
Up to our Knight Sir Bluestring came,
And call'd him frankly by his Name,
Smil'd on Him, shook him by the Hand,
And gave Him soon to understand,
That though his Person was a Stranger,
Yet that, in Times of greatest Danger,
His faithful Services were known,
And all his Family's here in Town,
For whom he had a great Affection;
And wish'd him Joy of his Election,
Assur'd him that his Country's Voice
Could not have made a better Choice.

Sir Ralph, who, if not much bely'd,
Had always some Degrees of Pride,
Perceiv'd his Heart begin to swell,
And lik'd this Doctrine mighty well,
Took Notice of his Air and Look,
And how familiarly he spoke;
Such Condescentions, such Professions
Remov'd all former ill Impressions.

The Statesman (who, we must agree,
Can far into our Foibles see,
And knows exactly how to flatter
The weak, blind Sides of human Nature)
Saw the vain Wretch begin to yield,
And farther thus his Oil instill'd.

Sir Ralph, said he, all Forms apart,
So dear I hold you at my Heart,
Have such a Value for your Worth,
Your Sense and Honour and so forth,
That in some Points, extremely nice,
I should be proud of your Advice;
Let me, good Sir, the Favour pray
To eat a Bit with me to Day;
Nay, dear Sir Ralph, you must agree--
Your Honour's Hour?--exactly Three.

These Points premis'd, they bow and part,
With Hands press'd hard to either Heart;
For now the publick Business calls
Each Patriot to St. Stephen's Walls;
Whether the present Debts to State;
Or on some new Supplies debate,
Would here be needless to relate.

From thence, at the appointed Hour,
Sir Ralph attends the Man of Power,
Who, better to secure his Ends,
Had likewise bid some courtly Friends,
His Brother Townly and his Grace,
Great Statesmen both and both in Place;
Our British Horace, fam'd for Wit,
Alike for Courts and Senates fit;
Sir William, from his early Youth,
Renown'd for Honour, Virtue, Truth;
And Bubble, just restor'd to Favour,
On pardon ask'd for late Behaviour.

The Statesman met his Convert--Guest,
Saluted, clasp'd Him to his Breast,
Then introduc'd Him to the rest.
Whilst He, with Wonder and Amaze,
The Splendour of the House surveys,
Huge China Jars and Piles of Plate,
And modish Screens and Beds of State,
Gilt Sconces of stupendous Size,
And costly Paintings strike his Eyes,
From Italy and Flanders brought,
At the Expence of Nations bought;
Yet doth not one of these relate
The tragick End of Rogues of State;
Although such Pictures might supply
Fit Lessons to the Great Man's Eye;
But o'er--grown Favourites dread to think,
From whence they rose, and how may sink.

Dinner now waited on the Board,
Rich as this City would afford;
For every Element supplies
His Table with its Rarities.
The Guests promiscous take their Place,
Pro More, without Form or Grace;
There might the little Knight be seen,
With Ribons blue and Ribons green,
All complaisant and debonair,
As if the King Himself were there;
Obsequious each consults his Taste,
And, begging to be serv'd the last,
Points round by turns to every Dish;
Will you have Soop, Sir Ralph, or Fish?
This Fricasee or that Ragoust?
Pray, Sir, be free and let me know.

The Cloth remov'd, the Glass goes round,
With loyal Healths and Wishes crown'd;
May King and Senate long agree!
Success attend the Ministry!
Let publick Faith and Stocks increase!
Add grant us Heav'n! a speedy Peace!

Discourse ensues on homebred Rage,
That rank Distemper of the Age,
And instantly they all agree,
They never were so blest, or free;
That all Complaints were nought but Faction,
And Patriotism meer Distraction,
Though full of Reason, void of Grace,
And only meant to get in Place.

Sir Ralph in Approbation bow'd;
Yet own'd that, with the giddy Croud,
He formerly had gone astray,
And talk'd in quite another Way,
Possess'd with Jealousies and Fears,
Dispers'd by restless Pamphleteers,
In Libels weekly and diurnal,
Especially the Country Journal;
But as he felt sincere Contrition,
He hop'd his Faults would find Remission

Dear Sir, reply'd the Blue--string Knight,
I'm glad you think Affairs go right;
All Errors past must be excus'd,
(Since the best Men may be abus'd)
What's in my Power you may command,
Then once more shook Him by the Hand,
Gave him great Hopes (at least his Word)
That He should be a Treasury--Lord,
And to confirm his good Intention,
At present order'd him a Pension.

By these Degrees, Sir Ralph is grown
The stanchest Tool in all the Town,
At Points and Job--work never fails;
At all his old Acquaintance rails;
Holds every Doctrine now in Fashion;
That Debts are Blessings to a Nation;
That Bribery, under Whig--Direction,
Is needful to discourage Faction;
That standing Armies are most fitting
To guard the Liberties of Britain;
That France is her sincerest Friend,
On whom, she always should depend;
That Ministers by Kings appointed,
Are, under them, the Lord's anointed;
Ergo, it is the self--same Thing,
T' oppose the Minister or King;
Ergo, by Consequence of Reason,
To censure Statesmen is High Treason.

In fine, his standing Creed is this;
That right or wrong, or hit or miss,
No Evils can befal a Nation,
Under so wise a Ministration;
That Britain is Sir Blue--string's Debtor,
And Things did surely ne'er go better!

So the plain Country Girl, untainted,
Nor yet with wicked Man acquainted,
Starts at the first leud Application,
Though warm perhaps by Inclination,
And swears she would not, with the King,
For all the World do such a Thing;
But when with long, assiduous Art,
Damon hath once seduc'd her Heart,
She learns her Lesson in a trice,
And justifies the pleasing Vice,
Calls it a natural, harmless Passion,
Implanted from our first Creation,
Holds there's no Sin between clean Sheets,
And lies with every Man she meets.