I'm not delusional nor am I hallucinating.
I say this with a heavy heart, out of guilt, out of fear of judgement.

They say it's Thursday today, I'm pretty sure it's still just Saturday.
I sit in my room, staring at a bright white screen.
Images in my head, or memories I shall call them, start to play.

I can't recall, was this a memory or a nightmare I had last night.
I see faces I can't recognise but familiar.
In this nightmare, I see them hurting me, tremendously, horribly.
I see myself crying in a dark corner of my room, begging for it to all stop.
I see myself walking to the mirror and crying while I see the reflection.

"Why do they hurt me when I'm only just a pure soul?"
I see myself asking the reflection on the mirror.
Then, slowly she started to smile, wiping her tears from her cheeks.
"It'll pass" She said.
"Why should I cry over these small matters?".

As I wipe these tears that created a puddle,
I came back to reality.
My counsellor said, "That is your defence mechanism".

Facade memories I call them.
Memories I recall as nightmares I've had,
Leaving memory gaps in my life.
So when people asks me do I remember, I say "No".

Facade memories,
I wish I never had.