only last night, having reach my fill of ms. amber bathing in a ginger ale jacuzzi - chasing a choir boy castrato cat waking me four times i had to utter in frustration (which i later noted): mortality is such an insufficient measure of things... i would be damned if i didn't make a quick ode to Ovid's erotic poems... to truly appreciate performing oral sex on a woman? i suggest you first appreciate eating oysters... not oysters: no, having performed oral sex, looking at the moon in the quicksilver sheen to see your face all slobbered... an appreciation of eating oysters, is most certainly, a precursor to performing oral sex on a woman... beside:

wenn alles weisheit wurden zu kommen auf Indien -
if all wisdom were to come from India,

needless to say - these ancients still treat
greece as some sort of ongoing "experiment" -
that nothing, absolutely nothing:
is viable -
they might as well call it the still to progess
into a foundation state of affairs -
the west is seen as fickle -
a thought it not so much entrenched
and passed on, as it is made vogue one
generation - disappearing for some time:
before reappearing...

no proverbs ever came from the west:
nothing akin to:
besser ein spatz im ihr hand -
als ein taube auf ihr dach -
i just like how it sounds in german...
the original reads:
lepiej wróbel w ręce - niż gołąb na dachu
(better a sparrow in your hand,
than a dove upon your roof)...

legit. proverb: hold the simpler joys
in your hand, closest to you,
that look up and think that a dove
upon your roof will bring peace to
your household...

as long as everyone under the roof
has simple and "immediate" joys in hand
close to the heart...
peace is not tempted by spotting
a dove on your roof...

here's another one... and i was looking and
i was looking and i was looking
and i thought i couldn't find some,
some sort of alternative...
if only Ted Bundy went down this route...
then again... if he did...
he would have started jerking off
to fine art... the detail of the tongues,
the bosom and the ability to filter
out what is happening outside the erotica...
what?
i will drill this example in...
every, single, time:
Bronzino's venus, cupid, folly and time...

perhaps i am that old,
before free internet pornography...
some of us had the balls and the rose cheeks
to walk into a newsagent and pick
up a pornomag...

well... "porno" - more like...
sculptor's digest... or...
nude subject pages for that lesson
you'd love to take at school
where you could paint a nude...
oh hell: paint all the flowers in the world...
flower: covert: female genitals...
all the flowers in the world...
but not the torso and the mystery
of the bellybutton
nor the cow-sacks of Surabhi...
after all... they started multiplying in number
and you couldn't, after a while,
tell apart what it was about them...
peach on the front,
peach on the back...
and what would a hindu know of
the tetragrammaton?
when H... is a surd in their language?

i tried almost everything...
but upon my final discovery...
hell... it just started making sense...
glory-hole... the dreaded lesbian genre...
once in a brothel i was asked if
i wanted 2 hours with her,
or an hour with her and her friend,
i replied: i still don't know what i'm
going to do with you...
i don't live by the motto:
the world is divided into men
who have slept with two women
and a the men who haven't...

give me two legs of chicken...
i'll know what to do...
a woman can multitask...
after all... if a muslim gets 72 virgins...
a woman is guaranteed her
3 greyhounds... one for each 'ole!
'ere comes the charging bull...

der wesheit auf Indien:
nothing reflexive about it -
just enough to ease you into a mirror
of non-reflection:
i.e. something to destroy the self
with and incorporate -
a billionth part of yourself...
wisdom worthy of meditation -
but not exactly stretching
into a labyrinth of thought -
call it all you like:
clumsy thinking,
spaghetti alleys and cul de sacs,
the labyrinth -
why complicate life, which is already
complicated, by complicating thought?
after all: what is thought?
the first question of the θ-moral?
the th'ought i?

oh don't get me wrong...
that an elephant shouldn't exactly pair
up to a rabbit in the kama sutra:
spot on...

even i became tired of the meat-market...
after a while i just felt like a butcher
looking at cuts of meat...
cam-girls: i don't remember paying...
the genres... god... i probably looked
at 5 in total...
hello exotica... ebony...
glory-hole... milf...
the horrid affair of the extremes -
lars von trier nymphomaniac
confessions type of genres...
hell... i even tried hentai...
but still: the meat-market...

well no point looking for alternatives
in the islamic world...
unless you are really horny for
eyes in the kneeling position
while looking to and from the heavens
of a catholic confessional booth...

some variant of softcore bdsm:
latex whole body suits...
girls in gimp suits with a zipper
for a genital opening...

but still the meat market...
anal? only to laugh at the farts...
but still... the meat-market...
and still the all pervading sense of voyeurism!
that's not enough, it wasn't enough to begin with,
then i'd come across articles
in legit. newspapers (the times)
about how women tend to watch
more violent pornography...

for a while i entertained the no-man's land
affair with girls masturbating videos...
shit became a little bit weird
when i turned that upside down
and focused on: pregnant women
masturbating...
and... i just borrowed something from
a 1976 novel by Michael Crichton:
eaters of the dead -
better known as the Wendol in the film
the 13th warrior -
where the diety was a pregnant woman...
i played into that fantasy...
which coincided with the time
i sucked off breasts for 2 hours
and imagined:
well... i guess... breasts are off limits
to men when a woman has a baby...
and she's actually breastfeeding...
i couldn't imagine this fantasy to live
beyond that date of conception
through to having finished breastfeeding
a child... but... for a while...
i gave careful attention...
to what it would be like...
with a lactating woman...

that was the zenith of my exploration...
eh... sex parties? filmed in those shabby
intz intz horrid dance music scenes?
n'ah... i wanted something more...
more... archetypical...
something teasing the forbidden...
but not forbidden as such...
something akin to:
having to convince her to fuck while
on her period, in a bath,
wearing a condom: to ease, the, cramps!

ugh... czech house party sex scenes...
or those scenes from prague,
the inverted glory-holes...
what you see are cubicles
of women's legs sticking out...
again:
too much imagination already given...
none of this was akin to
Bronzino's venus, cupid, folly and time...
everything was moving,
i was nothing more than a voyeur,
always the 5th wheel of the wagon...
somehow, yeah, "somehow" necessary...
even if a woman was fucking 3 at the same time,
there was the fourth... watching...
via the 5th one: filming...

hyper-geometry of a triangle...

what was essentially missing?
accents of eroticism - subtlety -
to have an image in your mind - quiet static -
and to allow your imagination to seep in...
all the other western alternatives
were nothing but meat-markets / slaughterhouses...
none of your imagination could seep in...
not even with the first pornomags
of my teen years...
protruding nipples like the eyes
of judge doom from: who framed roget rabbit...
which always begged the question...
very much akin to the question
posed by Milan Kundera in:
the unbearable lightness of being...
fuck with your eyes closed...
or your eyes open?

the sensuality of worms and all those
murky beings: primordial sex -
eyes closed -

eyes open? the seemingly anti-sensual
inconvenience of mammalian
reproduction - with no pain upon giving
birth: what pleasure upon reaching an orgasm?
asked the wind of a savannah to its inhabitants.

Islam still wasn't helping -
i could never understand how a woman's eyes
were the most erotic aspect of a woman's body...
perhaps her hands...
well if you have hands like i have...
what you have in your pants isn't exactly
an ego-trip... you're holding a sparrow...
she's holding a bulging ribcage of an albatros!
you can hold a basketball with one hand...
and she is... a knuckle short of your four...
why wouldn't a woman's hands be the most
erotic aspect of her body...
after all... a non-discriminatory plateau:
all are the hands of a a geisha...

geisha... islamic eroticism still isn't working...
hair... hair...
a lot of people complain if they have
a fly / a hair in their soup when served
in a restaurant... jokes on me...
i have a beard and the hairs of the beard
are the same consistency of pubic hair...
so i basically have pubes on my face...
ha ha...
why hair? what's so erotic about hair?
what if i tell you that as women age...
almost all of them decide for the pixie girl look -
and what if i told you that...
ifindwomenwithshorthairintheiryouththezenithoferotica?
again... islam isn't helping...

and then... i came across something,
i didn't think i could come across...

to my knowledge i never had an "asian fetish"...
i must have missed the point somewhere...
the asian beauty always seemed too fragile for me...
a butterfly coincidence...
somehow match with a genghis khan ferocity
that kept me uninterested...
i guess whatever "asian fetish" there was...
was broken on the anglo-saxon girls
by gloating phallic-sky-graters in the sky
from the african cohort...
a big cock egoism can work on a white girl...
but on an asian girl? not so much...
try fitting an elephant's trunk into a stilleto...
i had to think of something -
i started the black guys fake cindarellas /
wannabe cindarellas...
if only they could cut off a snippet:
the shoe would fit! the shoe would fit!

big cock egoism one side of the world...
wannabe cindarellas in another part of the world...
my my: how it all fitß! together!
(yes, that ß grapheme implies...
the interchangeable nature of S replacing Z
and vice versa in the oh so many
particular instances! -
hell! what about? xenophone?
let's flush it down the toilet of verbiage
with an X included!)

so much for big cock gag boasting...
not with these geishas... oh no...
and what became apparent?
islam wasn't working so... i had a look...
all those niqab beauties?
well thank god they were able to show
their hands... most of the women attired
in niqabs? hands like cooks,
or peasant women... thick bulging fingers...
hands as big as mine...
well... that fetish was never going to come
into fruition, was it?

what i'm "talking" about is quiet unique...
it's called... グラビアアイドル (gurabia aidoru)...
and only asian girls can pull this stunt off...
i'm not going to read and regurgitate
the whole wasei-eigo "behind the scenes"
origins story...
i'll just talk about what's on display...

AI SHINOZAKI...
that's enough... there are plenty more...
the GRAVURE (idol) - or simply gravure...
quote, verbatim:
[girls with] 'poses or activities intended
to be provocative or suggestive, generally accentuated
by an air of playfulness and innocence rather
than aggressive sexuality'...

i guess that's what i was looking for
all along... after all... can you imagine
a man jerking off to a web-cam?
it's not exactly an aesthetic experience
for either the wanker or the person
watching... it's done via the simple rule:
throne of thrones...
piss first, ease a shit out second,
jerk off, have a shower...
scented what? scented candles?

point being... there are only erotic accents...
as there always should be...
the image is static, so...?
you imagination can go into rampage
mode... but not into the sort of rampage
mode where you need to feel a perverted audacity
of jerking on public transport...
more... the devil is in the details...
the cleavage isn't fully exposed...
so you can still think about sucking
on those nipples with your eyes closed...

oh look! islam is finally helping!
by focusing on the eyes being exposed...
i think it's trying to tell us something...
there are times during sex when
you are supposed to look,
and times during sex... when it would be deemed
extremely courteous... if you didn't...

gravure: pre-teens apparently...
hell... two birds with one stone...
i haven't explored the genre that much...
AI SHINOZAKI... AI SAYAMA...
but no white girl could pull this off...
hell i'm thinking whether a WANG YING could...
given that this seems to be an exclusively
Japanese thing...
which implies... behind the "facade" of
'an air of playfulness and innocence'...
hence: "facade"...
is sex really more a pleasure if it has
to be aggresively experienced?
can't it just be a sort of play?
does the meat-market dynamic,
the slaughterhouse fucking-and-dumping
can't steer into territories where
you can bite each other's ears or nose?

if women are into their aggresive sex?
given the "excuse" of: not being able to express
aggression in no other way other than
in the realm of sex?
i'm out... i'm looking for a geisha...
after all... what am i to her?
i'm just a stupid turnip boy who's skin turns pale
crimson when drinking or being pinched
by the crabs of frost...
or when i go into the sun,
and manage to not get sunstroke...
i come out a bronze thai dragon...
like a crip chicken wing in search for
some hoisin sauce to dip myself in!

just an accent of a cleavege...
a certain look in the eyes...
a provocative pose...
all that... just in order to escsape the meat-market...
after a while watching prof. boxing
became more enjoyable than watching
western sex...
after all, the japanese already managed
to censor western pornography:
by calling it hentai...
octopus fucking (gangbangs)...
you name it... i don't know how you would
gravitate to something more "invigorating"
when you can't find something as stimulating
if not more when working from
a softcore base...

to hell with western sexuality...
i'm exhausted - or... i was exhausted...
until i found something akin
to an islamic niqab... but this being a japanese niqab...
it could reveal to me all the necessary
accents: diacritical markers of
the alphabet of a woman's body...
shame that the english language minds
metaphysics / darwinism more than
it might have minded orthography and
all other manner of pedantry...

gąsią nogą - naprzód!
łabędzią nogą - wsteč!

such is my, mimic ode to Ovid.