i passed the taj mahal in a dream,
in a body that didn't belong to me,
and the tongue that said:
well... there's not much to look at...
crippled me to abhor myself
in all the necessary petty ambitions...
they would not stand for
the majety of either mountain
pyramid or otherwise:
the needs to have the winds
never mystify the voice of man into
an opera of echo...
for all my former desire:
there were none...
it's so much easier to bundle life up
into a waiting for a £5000 cheque...
for some clinic in the swiss alps...
never bite the hand that feeds...
whatever gratitude is there:
there's also no release from it...

as i am seemingly so ungrateful about
my life...
either get busy living,
or get... busy dying...
i can become busy in both terms
of service...
i come across my most inner
sincere mediocre and:
a father aged 60 has more vitality
than i have...

forver the tattoo: you paid
for sex... to hell with you...
well... a prostitute's touch once
upon a time: 2018...
and 2019? what's to be lamented...
what's not to be excused?
rabbit rabies?
power unto whom?
i kept forgetting that to buy sex
involved less acting
and the dating scene and...
it almost felt as good
as... to put your hand
into a bucket of december's
rainfall with two dozen
icecubes floating about...

i keep mistaking the touch of
of another person for
something resembling the grooves
of wooden bark...
i'm not so much lonely as:
not amused...
apathetic and riddled at the same time...
i can stomach false airs
and even stomach:
someone equivalent to
a marshmallow...

bohemian rhapsody "versus" the rocketman...
one takes two to tango...
and as much as i love movies...
perhaps queen wasn't really a part
of my life bound to the tartarus of headphones...

they could have made a better effort
with a screened QUEEN biopic...
i don't know what the fuss it about...
innuendo? never mentioned...
something... gritty...
too many anthems?
the band members were all too well
educated: i.e. we could
have had brian may the astro-physician
and the dentist?

nature does not appreciate
a vacuum... well then...
for me, at least...
a star died in my place...
there's a sucking sensation...
that estimates best...
i go to sleep and i never want to
wake up...
i can fathom death without a hell
or a paradise...
i repeat this journey most of
the time...
in my dreamless nights...

the vague extract of a dream...
doesn't exactly console me...
it exhausts me...
where does all this vitality
for life come from?

to be able to fall asleep,
that, one, final time...
to escape my most prized asset of
the mediocre...

i rather imagine the alt. to all of this...
this is going nowhere: of that i am sure...
but in between Cracow
and the final destination...
a stop for a piss-break...
too many details: travelling by a bus
without on-board toilets...
you had to keep it in...

but: in this town - a name i keep
wanting to forget...
the only entertainment
was the clouds... the traffic...
an autumn and spring...
the shadows...
the aching emptiness come
sundown...

and the odd keeper of money
who would burden himself
with a purchase of groceries: including cheese...

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