I am a Christian with thoughts that don't believe,
I carry a Bible in one hand
and a question in the other,
walking a line between light and shadow.

The hymns rise around me
like waves I cannot swim in.
They say faith is a fire-
mine flickers,
sometimes smoke,
sometimes nothing.

I kneel out of habit,
not conviction.
I whisper prayers
that echo back as silence.

But still I return.
To the pew,
to the pages,
to the ache of wanting to trust
what my heart resists.

I am a Christian with thoughts that don't believe-
yet somehow,
that too feels like kind of faith.